Getting over having been dumped by the one you want is a long, difficult process–getting dumped does not dump your self-respect [attitude]!!

https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2012/12/18/no-one-can-take-away-ones-own-attitude-to-live-authentically-passionately-in-praise-of-roberto-benignis-15th-anniversary-movie-life-is-beautiful/

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2012/12/15/reconciliation-formula-sage-steven-kalas/

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It is GRIEF that cuts like a knife. Grief that breaks our heart.

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It hurts to lose respect for someone you so desperately WANTED to respect.

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Inside every person is the archetypal wish for “the good lifemate.”   Surrendering this wish is a crushing loss.

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The sooner we let it be a crushing loss, the sooner we can have and heal that grief towards the end of our own new freedom to be whole and happy.

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http://www.lvrj.com/blogs/kalas/Distinguishing_guilt_and_grief.html

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http://www.lvrj.com/living/20638679.html

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 “When you love someone, and they don’t choose you, it hurts.”

Oh, do you think?

Many people will tell you unrequited love is a grief more difficult than a loved one’s death. It’s like going to a funeral and trying to grieve the loss of someone who won’t stay in the casket. The “deceased” continues to walk, talk and, in the case of divorce that includes children, interact regularly with you. Night of the Living Ex. Invasion of the Soul Mate Snatchers.

His grief required the simultaneous juggling of pain, humiliation, pretending, going to work, running a single household and learning to be a divorced single parent. All at once. A difficult journey. Nothing short of heroic.

And now he has popped out on the other side without his love for the woman he promised to forever cherish. He looks like someone who has misplaced his car keys. Hmm, I always carry them right here in my pocket. Where could I have left them?

How do you fall out of love? I think it starves to death. Death by attrition.

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Death because divorce detonates like an asteroid colliding with Earth, resulting in a dust cloud blacking out the sun. Nothing vital can survive. Only, in the case of an asteroid, all plant life dies in about four weeks. A rejected lover only wishes love could be extinguished so fast.

The man describes it more simply. He says his grief was like having a sore throat for almost three years. “You know how, when you have a sore throat, you start every morning by swallowing to see if it still hurts?” he says. “Well, last Tuesday, I was backing my car out of the driveway and thinking about a call I had to make to my ex. I ‘swallowed,’ and suddenly I realized it didn’t hurt anymore.”

I’m glad for him.

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It’s not healthy to indefinitely extend an open heart into emptiness.

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Yet, the man’s victory begets one more movement of grief. A kind of reconnaissance. More accurately, the man’s celebration is the next movement of grief. They are one and the same. Not a return to tears and anguish, but a moment of pause and sobriety. A necessary acknowledgement of loss. Like hearing “Taps” played at a military funeral.

“Wow. She did it. I wouldn’t have thought it was possible,” he says. “She managed to convince me to extinguish the most beautiful and powerful thing I have ever done — which was love her.”

And now I think of da Vinci. What would it take to convince him to light a match to the “Mona Lisa”? How do you convince an artist to torch his masterpiece?

Maybe, in the end, it’s a combination of self-respect and liberation. Terribly sad, but terribly necessary. Maybe if you sufficiently ignore or patronize or revile da Vinci’s masterpiece, he will, as a function of self-respect, prefer its destruction to its dismissal. Maybe da Vinci decides it’s enough that he understands its beauty, its power, its importance. So he commits it to memory. He hangs the only necessary copy in his heart.

And maybe burning it is the only way to liberate himself to paint again.

Yeah, that’s it. Maybe he has one more masterpiece left. As yet unpainted.

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http://www.lvrj.com/view/love-can-endure-if-people-work-through-lost-relationships-144330465.html

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We have to grow a self-respect sufficient not to want someone who does not want us.

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When a relationship definitively ends, especially when that decision is unilateral for one partner and heartbreaking and undesired by the other partner, well, the latter partner has a big problem on his/her hands. Open, endlessly gaping gestalts aren’t good for human beings. They become paralyzing and damaging. This is especially true for the gestalt of being in love when that love is not returned. I’m not being dramatic when I say it can literally make you crazy or at least feel crazy.

Self-respect, not to mention any chance of returning to real vitality and productivity, demands that you close the gestalt, aka “fall out of love.”

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And falling out of love is not something we can merely decide as an intellectual process, any more than falling in love was a mere act of will. There’s no button to push or medicine to drink or step-by-step handbook.

People ask me all the time how to fall out of love. And I always say the same two things: 1) sit quietly with your grief. Make friends with your broken heart. Breathe your sadness in, and breathe it out. The only way to heal grief is to grieve, and 2) nurture the separateness. Stop calling. The partner who left you is the last person on earth with whom you should process and discuss the relationship, its victories or its failings. Don’t kid yourself that you can turn on a dime and become “friends.” Trying to buddy up with someone who doesn’t love you yet you still love is an invitation to protracted pain and confusion.

This is what I meant by “arranging your life in such a way.” We arrange our lives to minimize contact for a while. In some cases, a long while. In extreme cases, we permanently sever all ties and all contact. This last choice is, of course, impossible if the two of you made babies together.

We arrange our lives by guarding and nurturing separateness. If we are vigilant to do this, then the open gestalt of being in love starves to death. It erodes and atrophies. The gestalt will eventually close for want of light and sustenance. And it’s necessary if ever again we desire to open our hearts to the possibility of a new, better, healthier relationship.

Now, to your point. I agree. While the experience of being “in love” must of necessity be extinguished, the miracle of love often does and should endure. After the pain has ebbed, when we again are standing squarely and confidently in selfhood, we can value love, appreciate and be grateful for it, give thanks for the gifts our once-partner contributed. We can even “always love” our former mate. We can wish them well, and mean it. We can want the best for them. And we can give ourselves credit for having been a part of something that was meaningful, beautiful and life-changing, even if it couldn’t/didn’t go the distance.

Indeed, true love endures. It’s just that, in most cases, people need to close the gestalt and get through their hurt, bitterness, disappointment and anger before what endures can be apprehended as the honored friend it is and not the cruel enemy it appears to be right after we’ve been dumped by the love of our life.

True love endures. That’s a good thing. But true love is different from “carrying a torch” for the rest of your life.

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At the end of the day, we have to grow a self-respect sufficient not to want someone who doesn’t want us.

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2012/11/13/what-is-not-in-our-power-to-do/

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We need to forgive ourselves for what is not our power to do [to bring back our mate who dumped us].

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I go to bed without the applause of an audience, but my heart embraces serenity, cheer, and peace.   Though vain envy tempts the Malie and Mikeki starring roles on the world’s stage in deleting me, I choose to be with the meek of this world who have greatest significance for humbleness/compassion/patience.

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inspired by  I’ll stay with the sheep (like the shepherd who stayed back so others could honor the Babe of Bethlehem)  — Ensign December 2012 page 22

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http://www.lvrj.com/blogs/kalas/Profound_grief_of_divorce_death_play_out_differently_.html

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Profound grief of getting dumped, as opposed to death of a loved one,  play out differently  — getting dumped is harder & more complicated

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That might have been the moment I came to truly respect and understand profound loss and acute grief. Oh, sure, life is filled with goodbyes and losses. But some of those losses are profound. Archetypal. The death of a child. The death of a beloved. And, in some cases, getting dumped by your beloved when it turns out that you are no longer your beloved’s beloved.

The chief thing I have learned about profound loss is that the myth of getting over it is just that — a myth. We don’t get over it — ever. We surrender to it. We let it dismantle us. We learn to sit quietly with our sadness. To breathe it in and breathe it out. We let it change us, because we know that acute grief must change us.

Bit by bit, we are reconstructed into our new life. Our new life can be filled with meaning, hope and creativity. Indeed, some of the creativity actually flows from the empty places grief leaves behind. But we’re never over it. That’s ridiculous. When grief is healthy, it’s more that we learn to move on with it. It’s a part of us now. Forever.

So, death and rejection certainly have the basics of profound loss in common.

The chief way these two losses differ is in moral and social context.

The death of your beloved tears a hole in your soul … but, however painful, we tend eventually to write the grief narrative in terms of heroism, nobility and largely positive meaning. In most cases, a richness emerges from the suffering. A sense of human victory. We said “till death do us part,” and we did!

Somewhere inside ourselves, we know that, for mortals, grief is the only possible outcome for love, devotion and a lifetime of commitment.

Being rejected by your beloved tears a hole in your soul … and then we tend to write the grief narrative in terms of humiliation, worthlessness, shame, a sense of moral and personal failure — largely negative meaning. Which is why, I think, rejected spouses tend to reach for the glaring anti-analogy: “It would be easier had she/he died.”

So, I’m not sure I’d say that either grief is easier or harder to bear. Both are profound losses.

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 But I would say that being rejected by your beloved is most often a more complicated journey.

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For me, it’s like the difference between the grief of World War II veterans and Vietnam veterans. War is hideous and awful in any case, riddled with profound losses. But World War II veterans returned home to tickertape parades and a nation that had a shared sense of heroism, nobility and meaning. Vietnam War vets came home to a nation divided in moral ambiguity and deep ambivalence — no shared sense of meaning.

The grief of a rejected spouse is more like a Vietnam veteran.

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http://www.lvrj.com/blogs/kalas/Winning_love_of_one_distracted_by_another_a_tough_job.html

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Either way, you won’t find me courting these folks. My love is worth a lot. I only want to fall in love with someone who is willing to be radically changed by my love.

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QUESTION:     I am 72 years old. I believe I am in love with someone who is almost 70.

When we return after an evening out, I get as far as inside the front door, get a motherly kiss and invited to leave. I have never been invited to come over to watch TV or offered dinner. Yet we enjoy each other’s company almost twice a week for dinner and movies and talk on the phone daily.

She has told me she is in love with someone. I am told he did not want a commitment or marriage, and it appears no longer wants a lasting relationship with her. However, she claims he is always on her mind and cannot let that feeling go away. She has stated to me she loves me as a friend but is not in love with me.

I believe this relationship is going nowhere, but have hopes over time I may win her over. Should I continue to think that way? Or should I terminate the relationship and end my heartache?

— N.W., Las Vegas 

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ANSWER:

Falling in love changes us. So does falling out of love. So does falling in love, yet then walking away from that love. Not choosing it. So does falling in love and not getting chosen. Getting dumped.

All four of the combinations change us. Change us radically. We’re not the same. We’re never the same again.

OK, I suppose someone might argue that my position is too sweeping. Too generalized. That there are people who can open their hearts. Then close them. Just like that. Say “yes” to a great love, then decide to say “no,” or be told “no,” and simply go on about their day. Back to a single life, back to dating, to waiting for the next love, to unloading dishwashers alone. And never miss a beat.

Perhaps there are people for whom an encounter with love is not much more than a ride on a double Ferris wheel. Fun. Exhilarating. Interesting, maybe. But they exit the ride the same person as the one who got on. Two or three deep breaths, then their attention turns toward the other rides on the midway.

OK, let’s say people like that exist. Here’s what floats across my mind …

Something’s wrong with them. Oh, I don’t mean “wrong” like evil or wicked or mentally ill. Wrong — like, something never developed. Because if you can love deeply or be loved deeply and not be changed, then you’re never going to be entirely present to the experience of being fully human.

But, another way of looking at folks like this is to wonder if they are simply kidding themselves, and us for that matter. There are people who have carefully honed the skill of never listening to their own hearts. They habituate “life by compartments.”

This ability is, when used in certain times and places, a sign of mental health. Let’s be clear: I want the pilot of the Boeing 737 I’m riding in to be able to compartmentalize the agony of his recent discovery that his wife is having an affair. I’m all for him weeping, raving and tending his broken heart — right after he safely lands the plane! Just not now. Because I’m on this plane.

But some folks deploy “life by compartments” as the ultimate ego-defense. Matters of the heart are organized into pieces and parts, but never come together into a significant whole. These people make certain that love never changes them.

Either way, you won’t find me courting these folks. My love is worth a lot. I only want to fall in love with someone who is willing to be radically changed by my love.

So here’s the good news. This woman you’re seeing is not developmentally stunted, nor does she dodge authentic human experience with carefully calculated compartments.

The bad news, for you, is that love changed her. And, until she works through those changes, she won’t be available for courtship. Companionship, yes. But not courtship. Anything you’re telling yourself to the contrary is wishful thinking. When she does work through it, it’s an entirely separate question whether she’ll desire a courtship with you.

Terminating the relationship won’t end your heartache. It will merely change why your heart is aching, and to what end.

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2012/12/15/an-ennobling-sufferance-living-life-to-the-fullest/

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2012/12/14/because-in-the-end-great-journeys-of-integrity-are-walked-alone-sage-steven-kalas/

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2012/12/08/having-been-is-the-surest-kind-of-being-extraordinary-sage-viktor-frankl-only-then-through-the-power-of-using-the-past-for-living-and-making-history-out-of-what-has-happened-does-a-pe/

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Irony is that I have no history  –  deleted/erased/purged via rejection/elimination  –  forsaken & forgotten   –   

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But especially Frankl & Nietzsche [along with Emerson] intone that though rejection and a forsaken predicament certainly are not envied, these outcome sufferings constitute the ennobling of character and self-respect

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To reprise the exceptional Frankl   – 

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‘Instead of possibilities, I have realities in my past, not only the reality of work done and of love loved, but of sufferings bravely suffered. These sufferings are even the things of which I am most proud, although these are things which cannot inspire envy.’ “

 
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From “Logotherapy in a Nutshell”, an essay”
Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

 
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http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/2782.Viktor_E_Frankl?page=2

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Usually, to be sure, man considers only the stubble field of transitoriness and overlooks the full granaries of the past, wherein he had salvaged once and for all his deeds, his joys and also his sufferings.

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Nothing can be undone, and nothing can be done away with.

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I should say   ”having been”   is the surest kind of being.

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http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/2782.Viktor_E_Frankl?page=1

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The pessimist resembles a man who observes with fear and sadness that his wall calendar, from which he daily tears a sheet, grows thinner with each passing day.

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On the other hand, the [optimist] person who attacks the problems of life actively is like a man who removes each successive leaf from his calendar and files it neatly and carefully away with its predecessors, after first having jotted down a few diary notes on the back.

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He can reflect with pride and joy on all the richness set down in these notes, on all the life he has already lived to the fullest.

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What will it matter to him if he notices that he is growing old?

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Has he any reason to envy the young people whom he sees, or wax nostalgic over his own lost youth? What reasons has he to envy a young person? For the possibilities that a young person has, the future which is in store for him?

‘No, thank you,’ he will think.

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incredibly soulful lover Nietzsche   –

http://thoughtjam.wordpress.com/2007/09/12/nietzsche-on-the-use-and-abuse-of-history-for-life/

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Friedrich Nietzsche wrote, “that, in the process by which the human being, in thinking, reflecting, comparing, separating, and combining . . . inside that surrounding misty cloud a bright gleaming beam of light arises, only then, through the power of using the past for living and making history out of what has happened, does a person first become a person.”

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http://www.randomhouse.com/features/forgetting/read_first2.html

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In Frankl’s memoir of experiences as a concentration camp inmate. Frankl recalled trying to lift the spirits of his fellow camp inmates on an especially awful day in Dachau: “I did not only talk of the future and the veil which was drawn over it. I also mentioned the past; all its joys, and how its light shone even in the present darkness. [I quoted] a poet . . . who had written, Was Du erlebst, kann keine Macht der Welt Dir rauben. (What you have experienced, no power on earth can take from you.) Not only our experiences, but all we have done, whatever great thoughts we may have had and all we have suffered, all this is not lost, though it is past; we have brought it into being. Having been is a kind of being, and perhaps the surest kind.”

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Ralph Waldo Emerson was also fascinated by memory–how it worked, why it failed, the ways it shaped human consciousness. Memory, he offered about a decade or so before his own troubles first appeared, is “the cement, the bitumen, the matrix in which the other faculties are embedded . . . without it all life and thought were an unrelated succession.”

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2012/12/14/mission-provide-a-context-of-meaning-safety-and-encouragement-in-which-to-assess-oneself-though-painful-learn-celebrate-human-wholeness-and-authenticity-sage-steven-kalas/

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http://www.lvrj.com/living/8066867.html

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2012/12/13/true-faith-is-a-context-for-suffering-sage-steven-kalas/

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True faith is a context for suffering — sage Steven Kalas

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http://www.lvrj.com/living/9279656.html

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On the other hand, wretched-feeling successful ”phonies” like Eliot Spitzer seek a deeper meaning in their misery  –

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http://www.lvrj.com/living/17137916.html

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They despised themselves. Because they were not conscious of the pain and emptiness inside themselves, so they “acted it out” with behavior too obvious to miss. They literally force their loved ones or colleagues to become the firing squad, the headsman, the hangman that executes a life they experience as phony, empty and unbearable.

Or, in the case of Kurt Cobain, you just cut out the middleman and become your own executioner. For real.

What I think is that it takes a great deal of ego strength to cope with fame, celebrity and power. Without it, public adoration creates a personal crisis, because, in the end, we know we don’t deserve to be adored.

So we take the necessary steps to prove that point in spades to our adoring public. Not consciously, but nonetheless.

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http://www.lvrj.com/blogs/kalas/Suicide_assessment_first_step_for_depressed_friend.html

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You don’t have to be a professional therapist to execute a skillful suicide assessment and intervention. Indeed, a skillful suicide assessment is the beginning of a competent intervention.

The larger number of people in an acute, suicidal crisis do not make overt threats. They make covert threats. They “joke” about suicide. They make inferences. They talk in crypticisms: “People would be better off without me” … “I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up” … etc. They withdraw suddenly from relationships or pleasurable activities. They give valuables and sentimental belongings away.

The most important step is the first one: making the covert overt! You ask. Straight up. You can ask graciously, “one-downing” yourself: “This is kind of embarrassing, and I’m sorry if this question sounds crazy, but … are you having thoughts about killing yourself?” Often this is all it takes to make a person say: “What?! No! Why would you ask me such a thing?” And then you can reference the “joke” about suicide, shrug and say, “Just checking.” Even if people are lying baldfaced, making the issue overt is sometimes all it takes to wake them up and get them back to a firmer, more stable grip on their own lives.

And sometimes you’re not gracious. In some cases, when the evidence and threats are more acute and obvious, we ask uncensored: “Are you going to kill yourself?”

If they say anything close to “It has crossed my mind,” then, as a friend, we let them know firmly and compassionately that their suicide is not OK with us. At once, we accept that we don’t have the power to keep anyone alive, yet we also bind them — in words — to the ties and accountability of our relationship.

Once the issue is overt, the assessment continues …

History: Does this person have a history of suicidal ideation or attempts? Plan: Does this person’s current ideation focus on a plan (gun, medication, etc.)? Means: Does this person have access to a gun, medication, etc.? (Amazing that some folks’ spoken plan for suicide has no likely means to execute the plan.) Intent: The assessment ends where it began. “Are you going to kill yourself today?”

With each “yes,” the person is assessed as a more acute suicidal risk.

If they are a moderate to high risk, you insist they seek treatment. And if they make an overt threat and insist they are going to die and refuse to seek help … you do your moral duty. It’s called “danger to self.” You call the police and ask for a “welfare check.” You report the threat as you heard it. Not because you have the power to keep suicidal people alive but because, should the person insist on dying, you want to be able to tell yourself you didn’t participate in the suicide because you knew and did nothing.

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http://www.lvrj.com/blogs/kalas/Respecting_patients_in_therapy_means_enouraging_their_interpretations_–_not_mine.html

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Betrayal is like a sudden death.   But their slowness to grasp reality is not evidence of lack of self-esteem.   Our slowness to grasp the reality of the betrayal and its implications are, ironically, a function of just how much we trusted.

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QUESTION:

You typically have a breathtakingly honest approach to sensitive issues but I feel this week (8/19) you held back. Why would you pose such a perfectly blunt question then skate around the issue by providing an out for her to not face the answer? You asked L., “Why would anyone hold on so tight for so long to nothing?”

L. reminds me of a time in my life where I was incapable of expecting and demanding more. What I’ve learned is that when you don’t know and value your own worth, you quickly settle for silently begging for the love and respect that should be freely given.
 
She already knows the type of man her husband is. She can’t change him, she can only change herself … love and respect herself more. She must find out why she believes she isn’t worthy of real love and turn it around to where she does not settle until she gets it. T., Las Vegas

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ANSWER:

For you, T., sounds like blunt would sound more like this: “L, love and respect yourself more because the reason you’re stuck and won’t let go of nothing is because you lack sufficient love and self-respect!”
 
Never once in my career as a therapist have I told someone to get married. Or to not get married. Or to stay married. Never once have I told someone to get a divorce. Or not to get one. Not even in drastic cases, like, domestic violence.

Here’s the deal …

It’s disrespectful. Such discourse inflates the role of therapist and diminishes the expectations we should rightly have for our patients.
 
Even if I’m certain my patient’s behavior is a pathology, I’m reminded that everyone attaches themselves sooner or later to behavioral pathology. Including me. Unless it’s an eminent danger to self or others, my job is to invite the patient to examine the behavior. It is not my job to advise, cajole, or scold the patient via my own prejudices of what constitutes behavioral health. Same goes for interjecting unsolicited interpretations of behavior.

This restraint on my part is a fundamental way I RESPECT my patient.

So, I thought I was pretty blunt just saying out loud what she already knew: She was holding on to nothing.

T., you say that “L. reminds me of a time in my life where I was incapable of expecting and demanding more. What I’ve learned is that when you don’t know and value your own worth, you quickly settle for silently begging for the love and respect that should be freely given.”

If you were a first semester practicum student and I was your supervisor, here’s what I would say to you:

Good for you! You have the acumen to be aware of your own countertransference. That’s the word we use to describe what happens when a therapist begins to notice their own life reflected in the content of the patient. Nothing wrong with that. Deployed skillfully, it can actually be a helpful part of the therapy.

But, do you have sufficient data to KNOW THAT YOU KNOW the central issue is the L’s “incapability?”    See, I don’t think so. It could be just as likely that the ugly dilemma is fueled by something more positive.

 

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To wit: Betrayal, inconstancy, and ambivalence can, for a while, completely paralyze even people with terrific self-esteem and self-respect.

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These relationships are “crazy-making” but that doesn’t necessarily mean WE’RE crazy.

Living and loving in such insanity, our very character and values start to work against us. It is precisely our depth of commitment overriding the deeper voice that screams: “You’re mate is a schmuck/loser! Run like hell!”

Betrayal is like a sudden death. Ever hung around people who have lost a loved one to sudden death? Takes them sometimes a couple of months just to believe it. But their slowness to grasp reality is not evidence of lack of self-esteem.

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So it is with betrayal. Our slowness to grasp the reality of the betrayal and its implications are, ironically, a function of just how much we trusted.

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Now, again T., you could be right. Maybe L is a woman without sufficient self-respect and self-esteem. But still, I’m not going to mess with her future or her destiny … and certainly not her right to autonomy.

In the meantime, she’s free to hold on to nothing as long as she chooses. And THAT’S the blunt message I AM willing to deliver. She is choosing.

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boogie baby, Christimas joy!! 

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWEfszb9h8Q

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ip-Ql5FQlhc

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHzRNE5bYRI

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zM4WMiudGuo

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go to timeclock 7:50 to experience the incomparable Jackie Wilson  —

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQBBHq7MwNE

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32 Responses to Getting over having been dumped by the one you want is a long, difficult process–getting dumped does not dump your self-respect [attitude]!!

  1. Pingback: When it all ends, we have to let it go. So, if that’s true, why wait for death? Why not let it go now? And that includes injury, resentment, bitterness, grudges, injustice, and just plain wrong place/wrong time bad luck. — sage Steven Kalas |

  2. Pingback: When it all ends, we have to let it go. So, if that’s true, why wait for death? Why not let it go now? And that includes injury, resentment, bitterness, grudges, injustice, and just plain wrong place/wrong time bad luck. — sage Steven Kalas |

  3. Pingback: When it all ends, we have to let it go. So, if that’s true, why wait for death? Why not let it go now? And that includes injury, resentment, bitterness, grudges, injustice, and just plain wrong place/wrong time bad luck. — sage Steven Kalas |

  4. Pingback: When it all ends, we have to let it go. So, if that’s true, why wait for death? Why not let it go now? And that includes injury, resentment, bitterness, grudges, injustice, and just plain wrong place/wrong time bad luck. — sage Steven Kalas |

  5. Pingback: If we’re going to write, it is because we have a desire to express ourselves, even if we don’t quite understand what we wish to say. It might just be an inner yearning, but by making the choice to engage in the process rather than the result, our work

  6. Pingback: If we’re going to write, it is because we have a desire to express ourselves, even if we don’t quite understand what we wish to say. It might just be an inner yearning, but by making the choice to engage in the process rather than the result, our work

  7. Pingback: If we’re going to write, it is because we have a desire to express ourselves, even if we don’t quite understand what we wish to say. It might just be an inner yearning, but by making the choice to engage in the process rather than the result, our work

  8. Pingback: If we’re going to write, it is because we have a desire to express ourselves, even if we don’t quite understand what we wish to say. It might just be an inner yearning, but by making the choice to engage in the process rather than the result, our work

  9. Pingback: What’s the lesson in your narrative? — Kare Anderson | Curtis Narimatsu

  10. Pingback: A practicing Catholic, Stephen Colbert asked record-breaking author Dan Brown, “Did you write this to familiarize yourself with where you’ll be when you die?” | Curtis Narimatsu

  11. Pingback: am not concerned if you believe in the resurrection. But I challenge you to practice resurrection. What within you aches to be reborn?Who around you desperately needs renewed hope, a new word of encouragement, a new perspective, a new lease on life?Or as

  12. Pingback: am not concerned if you believe in the resurrection. But I challenge you to practice resurrection. What within you aches to be reborn?Who around you desperately needs renewed hope, a new word of encouragement, a new perspective, a new lease on life?Or as

  13. Pingback: I am not concerned if you believe in the resurrection. But I challenge you to practice resurrection. What within you aches to be reborn?Who around you desperately needs renewed hope, a new word of encouragement, a new perspective, a new lease on life?Or a

  14. Pingback: Jesus’ death becomes even more powerful when this particular messiah also carries your personal projections. That is, the celebrity’s life mirrors important pieces of your own psychic journey. Your own life dramas. Jesus did this for me with h

  15. Pingback: Like most writers, I use bits and pieces from my life in my writing. I start with character because that’s the crucial part. I base my characters on bits and pieces of people I either knew or know now. I do that, realizing we’re all capable of

  16. Pingback: I draw water from the well of my life’s work, and create stories. — Mark Rubinstein | Curtis Narimatsu

  17. Pingback: Then Jesus cleansed the temple of everything evil about us — then in typical mob hysteria, we “cleansed” ourselves of Jesus via His Crucifixion | Curtis Narimatsu

  18. Pingback: In praise of nickname Stoner’s bridging the proverbial age gap — from Stoner age 43 to Peter age 66: “You are not an uptight jerk” (like other ultra-judgmental old farts!!) | Curtis Narimatsu

  19. Pingback: In praise of nickname Stoner’s bridging the proverbial generation gap — from Stoner age 43 to Peter age 66: “You are not an uptight jerk” (like other ultra-judgmental old farts!!) | Curtis Narimatsu

  20. Pingback: Jesus’ mind-blowing “huli ‘au” (upside down) overturning of this world of our flesh — Jesus violated every conceivable tradition when it came to His associations with the marginalized of Jewish society. He infuriated the Phar

  21. Pingback: Mind-blowing Jesus stands inexplicably before us, and Jesus turns common-sense ideas upside down/”huli ‘au,” confounding us all! Dedicated to authentic Ri-in!! | Curtis Narimatsu

  22. Pingback: Life is full of reversals of expectations, baby!! Dedicated to my little girl Staycie age 40 — my separation anxiety from my baby girl when she turned 18 & left home to live on her own turned out to be her greatest crossover to independence R

  23. Pingback: Hawaii’s greatest modern wayfinder Rev. Hung Wai Ching (1905-2002) alter ego Rev. Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971) — Niebuhr’s immensely popular Serenity Prayer: “Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it

  24. Pingback: Calvinism, we keep being reminded, was the faith of the Puritans who settled most early American colonies, and its teachings are reflected in founding documents. Since the U.S. Constitution is so preoccupied with checks and balances, some old-timers found

  25. Pingback: Calvinism, we keep being reminded, was the faith of the Puritans who settled most early American colonies, and its teachings are reflected in founding documents. Since the U.S. Constitution is so preoccupied with checks and balances, some old-timers found

  26. Pingback: To love and be loved are what life is all about | Curtis Narimatsu

  27. Pingback: I’m here to love and be loved | Curtis Narimatsu

  28. Pingback: Nobody comes to therapy who hasn’t lost something. The heart is injured. Limping. Constrained by psychic adhesions. Aching, either obviously or just behind the curtain of consciousness. The therapeutic relationship is the MRI. It reveals what’s torn.

  29. Pingback: Nobody comes to therapy who hasn’t lost something. The heart is injured. Limping. Constrained by psychic adhesions. Aching, either obviously or just behind the curtain of consciousness. The therapeutic relationship is the MRI. It reveals what’s torn.

  30. Pingback: Nobody comes to therapy who hasn’t lost something. The heart is injured. Limping. Constrained by psychic adhesions. Aching, either obviously or just behind the curtain of consciousness. The therapeutic relationship is the MRI. It reveals what’s torn.

  31. Pingback: To love and to be loved are mystical desires a la Carl Jung’s archetypes (Jung’s forebearers were mystics Plato, Apostle Paul, & Augustine) | Curtis Narimatsu

  32. Pingback: The young man with terminal cancer was going to die quicker than he thought, and he was very depressed about this. And of course he hadn’t gotten to make his mark, and he had this conversation with this young woman. And the young woman said, “No,

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