Acknowledging ambivalence is best way to cope — sage Steven Kalas

http://www.lvrj.com/blogs/kalas/Ambivalence_challenges_most_close_relationships.html

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You mean, of course, my views on all our relationships with pretty much everybody and everything that truly matters to us.

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The word we toss around in therapeutic circles for this universal phenomenon is “ambivalence.” Meaning “mixed feelings.”

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Whenever we find ourselves in love or loving someone, or whenever we find ourselves deeply, emotionally attached to anything — an institution, a value, a cause — we invariably stumble across the experience of ambivalence.

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The reason is obvious, but you won’t ever find it in a Hallmark card and rarely in a film or novel. Rarely do people talk about ambivalence as the unavoidable companion of love, nor is it common for parents to teach us how to handle it when you are growing up.

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Simply put, to offer your heart to someone necessarily includes giving away a tremendous amount of power and no little degree of control.

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You simply can’t love deeply and stay completely in charge. Oh, people try it all the time. Some folks even normalize this ever-cautious, carefully calculated “ration stamp love.” Like someone sitting on the edge of a pier with one toe in the water, who then says convincingly, “I went swimming today.”

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Nope. Swimming is when you let go of the pier in water so deep you can’t touch the bottom. Only swimming is swimming.

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Love means giving someone the power to break your heart, to hurt you deeply. The subject of your heart’s affection is free to be present, faithful, creative and attentive to the relationship, to cherish you. He/she also is free to neglect you, to be inconstant, or mean, or even to betray you and leave you. Not to mention the inevitable pain: Your beloved is going to die. So are you.

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You can see why Hallmark isn’t jumping all over this.

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In the Ron Howard film “Parenthood,” the family patriarch, after years of distance and antipathy with his now-adult son, finally confesses his ambivalence. He recalls to the son that, as a child, the boy was stricken with a life-threatening illness.

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“I hated you for that,” the elder man says simply. Meaning, of course, I hated that loving you so deeply dangled me over the fires of so much pain and anticipation of pain.

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Ambivalence is why, when parents scream watching their toddler almost get hit by a car in the parking lot, they will run up and fiercely hug the toddler … and then fiercely scold or even spank the toddler. How dare you make me see clearly the vulnerability of my love for you!

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Ambivalence killed Jesus. The people waved palm branches on Sunday, singing “Hosanna hey.” Come Friday, they shouted to free Barabbas. Same crowd. When you stand too close to beautiful, bright lights, you find yourself deeply ambivalent about the way that light shines on parts of yourself, not so beautiful, not so bright.

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Ever observe sisters? Those relationships tend to be cyclically incendiary, especially in childhood. They will, in turn, be ready to die for each other … and then hate each other to the point of metaphorical homicide.

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You see this in brothers, too, but Freud observed — though never explained why — ambivalence is given its freest rein between sisters.

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An accepted bit of “wisdom” in our culture is that, in marriage, being “in love” and hot sex must, of necessity, “wear off.” The elders ask us to accept that. Comedians have a field day with it. But this bit of wisdom isn’t so wise. In fact, it’s crap.

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It is ambivalence that erodes love and sex. Nothing more. Nothing less. The human ego finds the experience of great vulnerability — great love — both compelling and intolerable. So we seek it, find it and then promptly begin to erode it, starve it and stonewall it so as to protect ourselves. This almost always is an unconscious process.

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In fact, that’s the rub: Ambivalence begins unconsciously. And we can’t manage it well unless we are willing to make it conscious. When ambivalence is made conscious, then we have choices for bearing it creatively, usefully, sometimes even playfully.

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Will you meet me here again next week? I will turn this discussion to the specific ambivalence provoked by falling in love/marriage and explore the difference between “normal ambivalence” and ambivalence that might indicate serious or even dangerous pathology in a relationship.

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http://www.lvrj.com/blogs/kalas/Acknowledging_ambivalence_is_best_way_to_cope.html

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Aha, “Love/Hate Relationships,” known clinically as the universal human experience of ambivalence. I’m turning my attention to the specific ambivalence we experience by falling in love and/or getting married.

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Everyone knows that falling in love is a most sublime joy. But what no one tells you is that falling in love also is a holy terror. It is regularly ego-rigorous and, from time to time, ego-intolerable.

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And if you would love me/I will protest/And tell you to save your time/And then I’ll come back/With my very next breath/And ask you to spend some time/Trying to help me understand what you mean/When you say that it’s all worthwhile/That there’s something for you/In seeing me through/The foolishness of my life.

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All great love affairs have some degree of “approach/avoid.” Most marriages have periods of time when the partners complain they feel neglected or that the spark is gone. But, when more deeply examined, these same partners discover they have made choices subtle and not-so-subtle making sure no truly vulnerable intimacy is possible. They are at once longing for connection and fleeing from it.

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These periods of ambivalence are not, surprisingly enough, evidence of what is going wrong in a relationship. Quite the contrary, new rounds of ambivalence are the only possible consequence for what’s going right in a relationship. To wit: The partners are succeeding in growing ever-deepening levels of love, intimacy and interdependence. Which, in turn, must force increasingly provocative encounters with disquieting, harrowing vulnerability.

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And if you would love me/I’ll call my friends/A bishop, a knight, a pawn/ The king is in check/And I will protect/His image so wise and strong/ If I let you see the empty places in me/Then you might want to change your mind/That’s why I push you away/To make sure you stay/And so you get left behind.

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If we truly value enduring commitments, the necessary act of courage is to make conscious our ambivalence. We admit and embrace the uninvited guests of envy, spite, competition, fear of abandonment, insecurity, etc. We enjoy the times that love makes us delirious with joy but are equally ready to admit the times that our love for our mate makes us want to rage at our mate for having the audacity to make us love this much. Yes! It’s my mate’s fault that I’m standing shivering, vulnerable and naked before the work of great love!

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Couples so often shake their heads in embarrassment about “fighting over stupid things.” Toasters. Socks. The rules about installing new toilet paper rolls. I’m convinced much of marital bickering serves to cyclically wedge a space, a refuge from a closeness grown uncomfortable. Rather than say, “I’m going for a walk (by myself),” or, “I want to plan a weekend to visit my sister,” we create separateness with irritability, withholding or outright conflict.

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So if you would love me/I’ll do my best/To share the days of my life/I’ll stop using words/Like a bullet-proof vest/I’ll try to let you inside/But I gotta tell you that I don’t always know/When I’m running from your loving me/I know how to hide/How to defend my pride/But then you’re the one who bleeds.

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I’m saying that all great love affairs experience some degree of “love/hate.” For most of us, ambivalence is ordinary, normal and we learn to manage it. Even thrive with it.

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But there are types of ambivalence bearing evidence of more serious issues and, in some cases, evidence for pathology in the relationship. Even danger. At the top of this list is the prototypical domestic violence relationship.

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Perpetrators of domestic violence are provoked to violence in two primary ways.

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One is obvious: the perpetrator’s felt loss of control over the mate. But lesser known is the alternate route to the perpetrator’s rage: the mate got too close, emotionally speaking. The perpetrator experienced an intimacy and therefore a vulnerability.

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Other people, while not committing/experiencing acts of physical violence in marriage, can and do exhibit another type of disturbing — not normal — ambivalence.

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I’m referring to couples with frequent cycles of reactive hostility pingponging back to cosmic sex and breathless romance. “Frequent” here can mean two to five such highs and lows in a given week. The participants are beaten to an emotional pulp.

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For some folks, these slingshot highs and lows are near addictive.

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The cycles create powerful bonds. Just not healthy bonds. Certainly not happy bonds.

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http://grammar.about.com/od/alightersideofwriting/a/ambigambivgloss.htm

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Ambiguous and Ambivalent

Commonly Confused Words

Ambiguous means doubtful or unclear, open to more than one interpretation. Ambivalent means holding opposing attitudes or feelings toward a person, object, or idea.

Examples:

  • “Stuff that’s hidden and murky and ambiguous is scary because you don’t know what it does.” (Jerry Garcia)
  • “Americans have always had an ambivalent attitude toward intelligence. When they feel threatened, they want a lot of it, and when they don’t, they regard the whole thing as somewhat immoral.” (Vernon A. Walters)
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A thriving marriage and a healing divorce   —

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http://www.lvrj.com/living/marriages-forge-bonds-divorces-dissolve-them-both-evolve-189554881.html

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If thriving marriage is about waking up each day with an intention to seek and nurture connection, symbolically and actually, then it follows logically that a healthy, healing path for divorce is to wake up each day with an intention to seek and nurture separateness.

Here’s perhaps the most dramatic example of not choosing An Entire Divorce. It might shock you to notice the number of divorcing and divorced couples who continue a sexual relationship. I mean with each other. Mine is not a moral incredulity; rather, a concern and critique of contradicted symbols. Sex is for forging connections. Divorce is for forging separateness.

But, for most divorced people, the “not yet” part of divorce is more subtle. Months and years later, each is in possession of property and keepsakes belonging to the other. Perhaps bank accounts still bearing both names. Holdings, assets, liabilities and debts still conjoined. Some of this is unavoidable in a modern world. But still, it is more than economic weight. It is symbolic, psychic weight. Want to get well from a divorce? My encouragement is always to move with all speed to separate these symbols.

Or how about the divorcing and divorced people still fighting and vilifying? Here’s a cosmic truth: Hatred and enmity are bonding events. They are a great intimacy. Or, as I often say, the only couples who need to sometimes fight and argue are couples working to build a healthy and thriving marriage. You decided to divorce. So why are you arguing?

Divorced people should call before they drop by. They should knock on the door before entering, even if they have a key (for co-parenting reasons). They ought not be rummaging their ex’s fridge, cupboards or drawers. Presumptions of intimacy should be monitored and avoided.

Decorum, honor, civility, decency – yes! Always. Especially if you made babies together. A “forgiven regard” of warmth that allows the practice of authentic empathy and kindness? If possible, then I say bravo to you. But friendship? Careful, here.   A few divorced couples actually are lucky enough, over time, to discover an authentic friendship. But pushing, pretending and posturing at “Let’s be friends”   … well, it mostly impedes the embrace of An Entire Divorce.

I paraphrase therapist/author Jay Haley (1923-2007): Divorce is possible legally, but perhaps not ontologically. Every time your remarry, you just add another person to the marriage bed.

No wonder it’s such hard work to choose An Entire Divorce.

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129 Responses to Acknowledging ambivalence is best way to cope — sage Steven Kalas

  1. Pingback: Ambivalence killed Jesus. The people waved palm branches on Sunday, singing “Hosanna hey.” Come Friday, they shouted to free Barabbas. Same crowd. When you stand too close to beautiful, bright lights, you find yourself deeply ambivalent about the way

  2. Pingback: Ambivalence killed Jesus. The people waved palm branches on Sunday, singing “Hosanna hey.” Come Friday, they shouted to free Barabbas. Same crowd. When you stand too close to beautiful, bright lights, you find yourself deeply ambivalent about the way

  3. Pingback: Thriving, learning, & having wisdom are about getting up each morning with intention, clarity, & commitment to seek & nurture connection along life’s healthy, healing path of inner nourishment & peace of mind | Curtis Narimatsu

  4. Pingback: The quality of irony is not strained — like Portia in Shakespeare’s Merchant of Venice, irony or mercy must flow freely or not flow at all | Curtis Narimatsu

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  6. Pingback: my Biblical hero Matthew — the lowest of the low | Curtis Narimatsu

  7. Pingback: Sage Jason Velotta: For the people of Jericho, Zacchaeus was the lowest of the low. He was an outcast, the scum of the earth. No one is too wretched, too broken, or too guilty of sin. In fact, no matter what you have done, we are all in the same boat. We

  8. Pingback: Sage Paul Naumann: Jesus said, “If anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all.” — Mark 9:35. | Curtis Narimatsu

  9. Pingback: Sage Marci Glass: Jesus doesn’t seem to care WHY he’s in this situation. But Jesus does seem to care enough about this man, this foreign, tomb-dwelling, demon possessed man to heal him. | Curtis Narimatsu

  10. Pingback: Sage Tom Stein: Three levels of compassion in Jesus — 1) Jesus has compassion for the man’s condition. While others will reject him and run from him, Jesus heals him. 2) Jesus has compassion for the man’s isolation. How long ago did someone last

  11. Pingback: Sage Larry Brincefield: The Widow of Nain — Jesus’ primary concern was for this poor woman… and Jesus raised her son from the dead… and then, instead of saying “come and follow Me”…He told him to go and care for his dear moth

  12. Pingback: Sage Becky Blanton: The difference between true compassion and a snow job is obvious to anyone who has experienced both! The whole point of the parable of the Good Samaritan is that compassion is about one person’s decision to act based on who they were

  13. Pingback: Sage Mike Bagwell: Yet Jesus’ apostles “turned the world upside down” … for Jesus! These are the exact words of Luke the historian in Acts 17:6. | Curtis Narimatsu

  14. Pingback: Sage Dave Trenholm: Jesus ate meals with Rome’s tax collectors and other disreputable sinners – the lowest of the low – because by simply eating with those people, He was letting them know that they were important to him. If you ate with anyone

  15. Pingback: Sage Fred R. Anderson: How could the lawful Pharisees not praise God for that? But still, they must keep their eye on Jesus, for his ways are not their own ways, nor those of John the Baptist and his disciples for that matter. Look at those with whom Jesu

  16. Pingback: Margaret M. Mitchell: To describe modern Christians on the basis of their proclamations??? | Curtis Narimatsu

  17. Pingback: Unforgiveness is a major cause of depression, many people have unforgiveness but are not even aware of it because it is buried so deep inside. — Seek God Ministries | Curtis Narimatsu

  18. Pingback: Jesus continually sought out marginalised people to befriend. An immense compassion drew him toward poor people, those with leprosy (who were regarded as outcasts) and tax collectors (who were loathed as traitors). Jesus had friends who would feel at home

  19. Pingback: Jesus’ invitation was for “the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind” to share in the Kingdom of God, a feast of equals, of open commensality, where there is no distinctions at the table. Jesus broke down barriers by lifting up those s

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  21. Pingback: Time and again His parables sought to justify His association with outcasts (Lk. 14:15-24; 15:1-32; Mt. 18:23-25; 20:1-15; 21:28-32). — Carelinks Ministries | Curtis Narimatsu

  22. Pingback: Richard J. Henderson: Once a journalist who had come to report about her mission, looked at her huddled over the body of a dying, destitute man. He said, “You couldn’t pay me to do that kind of work!” Hearing him, Mother Teresa turned an

  23. Pingback: Sage Edward F. Markquart: In Jesus’ parables, the accent is always on the last figure, on the last personality of the story. That is where the focus is. For example, in my opening stories, the focus is on the third stringers who had a change of heart an

  24. Pingback: Jesus’ life was full of paradoxes: the shepherds who first came to him were the lowest of the low, wandering around in fetid clothes, while the magi were some of the highest in their society. Baby Jesus was surrounded by the pungent smell of animal excr

  25. Pingback: Jesus’ invitation was for “the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind” to share in the Kingdom of God, a feast of equals, of open commensality, where there is no distinction at the table. Jesus broke down barriers by lifting up those sh

  26. Pingback: Sage Marci Glass: Jesus doesn’t seem to care WHY the other man is in this situation. But Jesus does seem to care enough about this man, this foreign, tomb-dwelling, demon possessed man to heal him. | Curtis Narimatsu

  27. Pingback: David Wilson: If you’ve not been beat up, downcast and broken at some point in your life, stop reading now. For the unscarred and unscathed, I have nothing further to share. I am thankful you have ventured here and wish you continued smooth sailing.

  28. Pingback: The kicker, the twist in this story, is the guest list and the etiquette. Jesus says, Don’t make the rich people, the healthy people, the prominent and powerful first. Nope, invite the poorest, the sick, the cripples, the lowest of the low. They’re th

  29. Pingback: The kicker, the twist in this story, is the guest list and the etiquette. Jesus says, Don’t make the rich people, the healthy people, the prominent and powerful first. Nope, invite the poorest, the sick, the cripples, the lowest of the low. They’re th

  30. Pingback: In the case of Christ we have a unique form of persuasion. It is like what happens when an error in our viewpoint is shown to us, and our mind reassembles around the truth that we have not seen. But it is unlike this process in that the truth that takes u

  31. Pingback: In the case of Christ we have a unique form of persuasion. It is like what happens when an error in our viewpoint is shown to us, and our mind reassembles around the truth that we have not seen. But it is unlike this process in that the truth that takes u

  32. Pingback: Jesus violated every conceivable tradition when it came to His associations with the marginalized of Jewish society. He infuriated the Pharisees with every compassionate touch. The Qumran community of the Essenes had an unconditional law: “No madman, or

  33. Pingback: This is why when the almighty God came into the world in Jesus, he came as the lowest of the low, as weakness itself, as a complete and utter nothing. — Robert L. Short | Curtis Narimatsu

  34. Pingback: The beautiful word minister, or Huperetes in Greek, has a very special meaning. It is the name of a very low slave, the lowest of the low. This slave was either shanghaied from his home or from the streets or taken from prison or simply kidnapped and was

  35. Pingback: What did Jesus see? — Judy of Rapture Ready | Curtis Narimatsu

  36. Pingback: They heard him preach about how the smallest, lowest, and least among them, were precious in God’s eyes, and the greatest in the Kingdom of God. — Malina & Altenburg | Curtis Narimatsu

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  38. Pingback: But compassion seems to drive religious people’s charitable feelings LESS than other groups — the more religious ground their generosity less in emotion, and more in doctrine, communal identity, or reputational concerns. | Curtis Narimatsu

  39. Pingback: The Pharisees’ statement is intended as a stinging rebuke. It’s not really a question, it’s kind of a rhetorical question, intended to be vindictive and bitter. It’s outrage, why do you eat and drink with the tax gatherers and sinn

  40. Pingback: After all, where was Jesus found most of the time? For me, I see Jesus living and interacting with beggars, prostitutes and tax collectors the lowest of the low in His society. And by choice and association Jesus himself was one of the marginalized, and I

  41. Pingback: God who is so high above the nations, reigning from heaven, still looks down upon the earth to the poorest of the poor, the lowliest of the low…God cares for these folks that are often overlooked. When the Psalmist asks us, “Who is like the Lord our G

  42. Pingback: God who is so high above the nations, reigning from heaven, still looks down upon the earth to the poorest of the poor, the lowliest of the low…God cares for these folks that are often overlooked. When the Psalmist asks us, “Who is like the Lord our G

  43. Pingback: After all, where was Jesus found most of the time? For me, I see Jesus living and interacting with beggars, prostitutes and tax collectors — the lowest of the low in His society. And by choice and association Jesus himself was one of the marginalize

  44. Pingback: They heard him preach about how the smallest, lowest, and least among them — were precious in God’s eyes, and the greatest in the Kingdom of God. — Malina & Altenburg | Curtis Narimatsu

  45. Pingback: God who is so high above the nations, reigning from heaven, still looks down upon the earth to the poorest of the poor, the lowliest of the low…God cares for these folks that are often overlooked. When the Psalmist asks us, “Who is like the Lord our G

  46. Pingback: God who is so high above the nations, reigning from heaven, still looks down upon the earth to the poorest of the poor, the lowliest of the low…God cares for these folks that are often overlooked. When the Psalmist asks us, “Who is like the Lord our G

  47. Pingback: Jesus answered and said to him, “What I do you do not realize now but you shall understand hereafter.” You don’t get it, Peter, you don’t get My humiliation. You think this is too lowly for Me, you think this is too humble for Me,

  48. Pingback: How often do we judge others? I’ll be the first to say that it’s definitely more than it should be. Without even realizing, we judge instantly based on appearance. In the back of our minds, we convince ourselves we are better because we don

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  50. Pingback: Healing the sick. Loving the unloved. Welcoming the unwelcomed. Gathering the little ones. Receiving the rejected and abandoned. Comforting the elders. The Paschal Mystery (Passover) is the greatest act of compassion. God, suffering with us, putting every

  51. Pingback: Many of us claim to love humanity even – the lowest of the low like lepers, prostitutes, and tax-collectors. (Now you know why income tax returns are due at Easter). In affirming the lowest of the low Jesus affirmed humanity. In His emphasis upon th

  52. Pingback: Many of us claim to love humanity even – the lowest of the low like lepers, prostitutes, and tax-collectors. (Now you know why income tax returns are due at Easter). In affirming the lowest of the low Jesus affirmed humanity. In His emphasis upon th

  53. Pingback: Many of us claim to love humanity even – the lowest of the low like lepers, prostitutes, and tax-collectors. (Now you know why income tax returns are due at Easter). In affirming the lowest of the low Jesus affirmed humanity. In His emphasis upon th

  54. Pingback: Here’s the power of hospitality—this willingness to go out of our way to invite and welcome and include those who formerly felt themselves to be on the outside looking in, creating holy space where those who formerly felt themselves to be alienated an

  55. Pingback: But is that the way Jesus treated tax collectors and other outsiders? Matthew 11, verse 19 refers to Jesus as “a friend of tax collectors and sinners”. Time and again in the gospels we witness Jesus befriending those whom others have cast asid

  56. Pingback: But is that the way Jesus treated tax collectors and other outsiders? Matthew 11, verse 19 refers to Jesus as “a friend of tax collectors and sinners”. Time and again in the gospels we witness Jesus befriending those whom others have cast asid

  57. Pingback: Jesus stood in the face of all social convention, and loudly proclaimed that those that see the spirituality of service, and sacrifice, are closer to the kingdom of God, than those with correct doctrine, correct church, and correct lineage. Jesus, this ra

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  59. Pingback: Jesus stood in the face of all social convention, and loudly proclaimed that those that see the spirituality of service, and sacrifice, are closer to the kingdom of God, than those with correct doctrine, correct church, and correct lineage. Jesus, this ra

  60. Pingback: But is that the way Jesus treated tax collectors and other outsiders? Matthew 11, verse 19 refers to Jesus as “a friend of tax collectors and sinners”. Time and again in the gospels we witness Jesus befriending those whom others have cast asid

  61. Pingback: How often do we judge others? I’ll be the first to say that it’s definitely more than it should be. Without even realizing, we judge instantly based on appearance. In the back of our minds, we convince ourselves we are better because we don

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  63. Pingback: The Christian distinction which separates Christianity from earlier religions: Matthew 5:44 — Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who mistreat you and persecute you. | Curtis Narimatsu

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  69. Pingback: Karyl McBride: Why Am I So Afraid of Being Alone? It may even clear your thoughts about what is healthy for you. “Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet confinement of your aloneness to learn that anything or anyone that does not bring you alive

  70. Pingback: Karyl McBride: Why Am I So Afraid of Being Alone? It may even clear your thoughts about what is healthy for you. “Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet confinement of your aloneness to learn that anything or anyone that does not bring you alive

  71. Pingback: Karyl McBride: Why Am I So Afraid of Being Alone? It may even clear your thoughts about what is healthy for you. “Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet confinement of your aloneness to learn that anything or anyone that does not bring you alive

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  75. Pingback: Those who are driven by a quest for happiness are more likely to end up feeling lonely instead, according to a study. This is because they focus on themselves, rather than on their connections with others. As a result, self-seeking individuals end up feel

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  77. Pingback: You may be shocked to learn that the supposed essential principle that this country was founded upon — “The Pursuit of Happiness” — is nothing more than an impossible vainglorious wild goose chase. All the saints, sages and wise me

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  83. Pingback: In Obliquity, John Kay argues that the best things in life can only be pursued indirectly. I believe this is true for happiness: if you truly want to experience joy or meaning, you need to shift your attention away from joy or meaning, and toward projects

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  85. Pingback: Ask yourself the ultimate questions in your life. Who am I? What is my purpose? What is important to me? How do I live an authentic life? By asking the ultimate questions in your life, you begin the lifelong journey inward, a journey of reflection, contem

  86. Pingback: sage Carl Gregg: The expectation of The Parable of the Mustard Seed would have been for the comparison to have been to a Cedar Tree, a symbol of empire in the ancient world. Among many Hebrew Scripture examples, consider Ezekiel 17. The expectation is for

  87. Pingback: Ask yourself the ultimate questions in your life. Who am I? What is my purpose? What is important to me? How do I live an authentic life? By asking the ultimate questions in your life, you begin the lifelong journey inward, a journey of reflection, contem

  88. Pingback: Ask yourself the ultimate questions in your life. Who am I? What is my purpose? What is important to me? How do I live an authentic life? By asking the ultimate questions in your life, you begin the lifelong journey inward, a journey of reflection, contem

  89. Pingback: Jesus’ death becomes even more powerful when this particular messiah also carries your personal projections. That is, the celebrity’s life mirrors important pieces of your own psychic journey. Your own life dramas. Jesus did this for me with h

  90. Pingback: Jesus’ death becomes even more powerful when this particular messiah also carries your personal projections. That is, the celebrity’s life mirrors important pieces of your own psychic journey. Your own life dramas. Jesus did this for me with h

  91. Pingback: Jesus’ death becomes even more powerful when this particular messiah also carries your personal projections. That is, the celebrity’s life mirrors important pieces of your own psychic journey. Your own life dramas. Jesus did this for me with h

  92. Pingback: Jesus’ death becomes even more powerful when this particular messiah also carries your personal projections. That is, the celebrity’s life mirrors important pieces of your own psychic journey. Your own life dramas. Jesus did this for me with h

  93. Pingback: Jesus’ death becomes even more powerful when this particular messiah also carries your personal projections. That is, the celebrity’s life mirrors important pieces of your own psychic journey. Your own life dramas. Jesus did this for me with h

  94. Pingback: We all have the power to pick our attitudes | Curtis Narimatsu

  95. Pingback: Greatest sage Viktor Frankl: Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one’s personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one’s surrender to a person other t

  96. Pingback: Then Jesus cleansed the temple of everything evil about us — then in typical mob hysteria, we “cleansed” ourselves of Jesus via His Crucifixion | Curtis Narimatsu

  97. Pingback: In praise of nickname Stoner’s bridging the proverbial age gap — from Stoner age 43 to Peter age 66: “You are not an uptight jerk” (like other ultra-judgmental old farts!!) | Curtis Narimatsu

  98. Pingback: In praise of nickname Stoner’s bridging the proverbial generation gap — from Stoner age 43 to Peter age 66: “You are not an uptight jerk” (like other ultra-judgmental old farts!!) | Curtis Narimatsu

  99. Pingback: Ambivalence: The hair-thin line between being thrilled (Jesus our savior comes to our town Jerusalem) and being threatened (our own ambivalence — Jesus cleanses the temple of everything evil about ourselves — we feel threatened by Jesus reveal

  100. Pingback: Ambivalence: The hair-thin line between being thrilled (Jesus our savior comes to our town Jerusalem) and being threatened (our own ambivalence — Jesus cleanses the temple of everything evil about ourselves — we feel threatened by Jesus reveal

  101. Pingback: Love-hate dynamic of mob hysteria in praising, then killing Jesus — all within a week’s time | Curtis Narimatsu

  102. Pingback: So Jesus exposed our unlovely selves (Jesus’ cleansing of the temple by ridding it of our money-changers) — we didn’t have to kill Jesus — we could have sublimated our primal fears about our hypocritical nature — and instead

  103. Pingback: So Jesus exposed our unlovely selves (Jesus’ cleansing of the temple by ridding it of our money-changers) — we didn’t have to kill Jesus — we could have sublimated our primal fears about our hypocritical nature — and instead

  104. Pingback: We depraved humans are so fickle, to say the least — my recount of Jesus’ exposure of our mob hysteria 2,000 yrs. ago — nothing has changed in us since then — we still are a mob in senseless hysteria | Curtis Narimatsu

  105. Pingback: Aquinas is equidistant to early church father Augustine 400 yrs. before Aquinas — and to us 400 yrs. after 1200 AD Aquinas — yet, nothing has changed in us — we still are as depraved today as we were when we crucified Jesus in our sensel

  106. Pingback: Aquinas is equidistant to early church father Augustine 800 yrs. before Aquinas — and to us 800 yrs. after 1200 AD Aquinas — yet, nothing has changed in us — we still are as depraved today as we were when we crucified Jesus in our sensel

  107. Pingback: Aquinas is equidistant to early church father Augustine 800 yrs. before Aquinas — and to us 800 yrs. after 1200 AD Aquinas — yet, nothing has changed in us — we still are as depraved today as we were when we crucified Jesus in our sensel

  108. Pingback: Nothing has changed in us — we still are as depraved today as we were when we crucified Jesus in our senseless mob hysteria — Aquinas is equidistant to early church father Augustine 800 yrs. before Aquinas — and to us 800 yrs. after 1200

  109. Pingback: We depraved humans of immense despair — nothing has changed in us — we still are as depraved today as we were when we crucified Jesus in our senseless mob hysteria — Aquinas is equidistant to early church father Augustine 800 yrs. before

  110. Pingback: We depraved humans of immense despair — nothing has changed in us — we still are as depraved today as we were when we crucified Jesus in our senseless mob hysteria — Aquinas is equidistant to early church father Augustine 800 yrs. before

  111. Pingback: We are depraved humans steeped in immense despair — nothing has changed in us — we still are as depraved today as we were when we crucified Jesus in our senseless mob hysteria — Aquinas is equidistant to early church father Augustine 800

  112. Pingback: Jesus’ mind-blowing reversal/frustration of all expectations — turning common-sense ideas upside down, confounding us all — spark our deepest imaginative opposites/impossibilities, to say the least!! | Curtis Narimatsu

  113. Pingback: Jesus’ mind-blowing reversal/frustration of all expectations — turning common-sense ideas upside down, confounding us all — Jesus sparks our beautifully deepest, imaginative “opposites/impossibilities of thought,” to say the

  114. Pingback: Jesus’ mind-blowing “huli ‘au” (upside down) overturning of this world of our flesh — Jesus violated every conceivable tradition when it came to His associations with the marginalized of Jewish society. He infuriated the Phar

  115. Pingback: Jesus’ mind-blowing “huli ‘au” (upside down) overturning of this world of our flesh — Jesus violated every conceivable tradition when it came to His associations with the marginalized of Jewish society. He infuriated the Phar

  116. Pingback: Mind-blowing Jesus stands inexplicably before us, and Jesus turns common-sense ideas upside down, confounding us all! Dedicated to authentic Ri-in!! | Curtis Narimatsu

  117. Pingback: Life is full of reversals of expectations, baby!! Dedicated to my little girl Staycie age 40 — my separation anxiety from my baby girl when she turned 18 & left home to live on her own turned out to be her greatest crossover to independence R

  118. Pingback: Hawaii’s greatest modern wayfinder Rev. Hung Wai Ching (1905-2002) alter ego Rev. Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971) — Niebuhr’s immensely popular Serenity Prayer: “Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it

  119. Pingback: Calvinism, we keep being reminded, was the faith of the Puritans who settled most early American colonies, and its teachings are reflected in founding documents. Since the U.S. Constitution is so preoccupied with checks and balances, some old-timers found

  120. Pingback: Calvinism, we keep being reminded, was the faith of the Puritans who settled most early American colonies, and its teachings are reflected in founding documents. Since the U.S. Constitution is so preoccupied with checks and balances, some old-timers found

  121. Pingback: To love and be loved are what life is all about | Curtis Narimatsu

  122. Pingback: In praise of Pastor Jay Hernandez — Colossians 1:20 – And having made peace through the blood of the cross, that all beings in heaven and on earth would be reconciled or brought back to God. | Curtis Narimatsu

  123. Pingback: In praise of Pastor Jay Hernandez — Colossians (phonetic pronunciation: kuh-LAH-shuhnz) 1:20 – And having made peace through the blood of the cross, that all beings in heaven and on earth would be reconciled or brought back to God. | Curtis Narima

  124. Pingback: I’m here to love and be loved | Curtis Narimatsu

  125. Pingback: Nobody comes to therapy who hasn’t lost something. The heart is injured. Limping. Constrained by psychic adhesions. Aching, either obviously or just behind the curtain of consciousness. The therapeutic relationship is the MRI. It reveals what’s torn.

  126. Pingback: Nobody comes to therapy who hasn’t lost something. The heart is injured. Limping. Constrained by psychic adhesions. Aching, either obviously or just behind the curtain of consciousness. The therapeutic relationship is the MRI. It reveals what’s torn.

  127. Pingback: Nobody comes to therapy who hasn’t lost something. The heart is injured. Limping. Constrained by psychic adhesions. Aching, either obviously or just behind the curtain of consciousness. The therapeutic relationship is the MRI. It reveals what’s torn.

  128. Pingback: To love and to be loved are mystical desires a la Carl Jung’s archetypes (Jung’s forebearers were mystics Plato, Apostle Paul, & Augustine) | Curtis Narimatsu

  129. Pingback: The young man with terminal cancer was going to die quicker than he thought, and he was very depressed about this. And of course he hadn’t gotten to make his mark, and he had this conversation with this young woman. And the young woman said, “No,

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