dealing with being rejected/forsaken — the upside/redemptive way to deal with not being chosen

The Upside Of Rejection The Upside Of Rejection

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/maddisen-k-krown/coping-with-rejection_b_2586145.html?utm_hp_ref=gps-for-the-soul&ir=GPS%20for%20the%20Soul

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Can Rejection Be Your Protection? Yes!

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Here’s a question from a reader about rejection.

Dear Maddisen: Have you heard the phrase: Rejection is God’s protection? I just overheard this in a conversation while I was getting a coffee. I don’t get it but I can’t get it out of my head. Have you heard this? Do you get it?  Thanks, BA

Dear BA, Thanks for your question. Yes, I’m familiar with the expression, “rejection is God’s protection”, and I’m happy to share my definition and how I’ve seen this concept working in my life and in my clients’ lives. 

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Let’s face it, for most of us, whether we get rejected in love, friendship, in work, or wherever, rejection feels awful.

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Rejection tends to turn us inward in a negative way — causing us to feel unworthy, flawed, not good enough, unlovable, frustrated, confused, angry, sad, etc. — which can get us painfully bogged down in paralyzing self criticism.

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But if we believe, as I do, that all experiences in life directly support our learning, growth and upliftment — then rejection must also be a path for our learning, growth and upliftment.

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So, if you experience rejection, the first questions to ask before spiraling down into the dark abyss of confusion, self criticism and suffering is: How is this rejection protecting me? How is this rejection serving my wellbeing and happiness? How is this rejection helping me to learn, grow and become happier in my life going forward?

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The Reward of Rejection Here’s a story that exemplifies this perfectly. I worked with a female client who was dating a guy she liked very much. She still wanted time to get to know him more, but was sensing the potential for a deep and long-term relationship. Early in their dating, they both agreed to cancel their online dating subscriptions and to be exclusive — so that they could focus on getting to know each other built on a solid foundation of loyalty, honesty and trust.

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Several months into dating, she found out through a mutual friend that he was back online on the dating site, but hadn’t told her. She confronted him, he openly admitted he was back online looking, confessed he wasn’t sure he was ready to commit, and asked for some time apart to get clarity on what he really wanted.

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My client deduced that essentially he was breaking up with her, and she felt rejected and sad. And as we worked together, I could see that she was starting to spiral down into questions of why and why her, and down, down, down into that suffering and muddy place of feeling unworthy, unlovable, flawed, self critical, etc.

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At that point, I asked her how this perceived rejection might actually be a way that her higher self was protecting her. At first, she shared how his actions were dishonest and disloyal. I asked how his actions might be a mirror to inform how she was treating herself, and how she might be being dishonest and disloyal to herself in that relationship.

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And then, I could see the light go on in her teary eyes. The truth she realized was this: she was not really certain about him either, or happy with some of his core qualities and values, but continued to date him anyway because of the pleasant companionship and qualities she did enjoy about him.

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So in essence, she realized she was settling, and not being honest with herself about what she was truly and fully wanting but not getting, and was therefore not being loyal to herself by staying in a relationship that truly was not satisfying or aligning with her deepest values and desires.

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By the end of the session, she clearly understood how his rejection was truly her higher self’s way of informing and protecting her, and saw that this fellow was not her match.

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This is not to say that she did not feel some sadness and loneliness after this loss of her former companion. She did feel sad, and really missed his company for a while. But with my coaching support and her keen awareness and desire to grow into more fulfillment and happiness, she knew it was healthy to feel these emotions, accept them, and trust that the dynamic and positive nature of her life and goals would move her forward into something even better next time.

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It became real for her that she was more aware, wiser and feeling a deeper sense of contentment as a result of this experience, which was disguised as rejection — because she was being honest with herself and loyal to her core values and heartfelt desires.

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Perhaps she needed the experience to build a more solid foundation of loyalty, honesty and trust within herself.

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Ask yourself — How Is Rejection Protecting Me?

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From this day forward, if you experience rejection, the first question to ask before spiraling down into the dark abyss of confusion, self criticism, and suffering is:

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How is this rejection protecting me?

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How is this rejection mirroring and informing how I might be rejecting myself and my needs?

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How is this rejection serving my wellbeing and happiness?

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How is this rejection helping me to learn, grow, and become happier in my life going forward?

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And so, BA and all my readers, this should give you a much better understanding of the phrase: Rejection is God’s protection.

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I understand that not everyone may align with the word “God.” Don’t get hung up on that. It’s the concept that is most important here. Or use whatever is your most accurate equivalent of God. For example, “higher power,” “spirit,” “source energy,” “the universe,” etc.  Or, if you prefer, simply use the phrase: Rejection is my protection. 

“Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the ‘Beloved.’ Being the Beloved constitutes the core truth of our existence.” — Henri Nouwen

There’s nothing like rejection to make you do an inventory of yourself. — James Lee Burke

I don’t want anyone who doesn’t want me. — Oprah Winfrey

I really wish I was less of a thinking man and more of a fool not afraid of rejection. — Billy Joel

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2013/01/03/writing-and-eventually-dying-a-good-death-expressing-sharing-love-to-the-end/

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Writing with body and soul, and eventually dying a good death  — expressing & sharing love to the end

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http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=images+of+a+writer+in+deep+thought&qpvt=images+of+a+writer+in+deep+thought&FORM=IGRE#view=detail&id=FC4083F995FD47F1E3C39EAC4D1A970867E60C12&selectedIndex=89

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2012/12/21/i-write-to-live-authentically-having-been-is-the-surest-kind-of-being-per-great-sage-viktor-frankl/

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I write to live authentically — “having been” is the surest kind of being, per great sage Viktor Frankl

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Usually, to be sure, man considers only the stubble field of transitoriness [the “now”]  and overlooks the full granaries of the past [reflective lookback] –

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wherein he had salvaged once and for all his deeds, his joys

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and also his sufferings.

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Nothing can be undone, and nothing can be done away with.    

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[for example, I dream of being loved & wanted in the most beautiful way, & even if this dream is not reality, such thought/”unction” comprises my strength & “positive/right” attitude, even in the starkest moment of despair/seemingly hopeless predicament/state of nonexistence-nonbeing closest to death itself, having been forsaken all the way around   —

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which is why Jewish Viktor Frankl’s dream amid the Holocaust even when facing down the death chamber/firing squad was “the angels are in perpetual contemplation of an infinite glory.”   Ohh, so true!!]

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I should say   ”having been”  is the surest kind of being.

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http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/2782.Viktor_E_Frankl?page=2

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‘Instead of possibilities, I have realities in my past, not only the reality of work done and of love loved –

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but of sufferings bravely suffered. These sufferings are even the things of which I am most proud, although these are things which cannot inspire envy.’ “

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From “Logotherapy in a Nutshell”, an essay” Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

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The reality of life is the luck or unluck of the draw [a crapshoot]  —

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“fair” & “unfair” are nonexistent in life’s vocabulary —

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life “just is.”  

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Thence, how I deal with setbacks is the key to existence, not the external factual triggers [to despair/hopelessness of predicament].

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2012/11/24/sharing-grief-puts-a-healing-distance-between-us-and-the-pain-this-is-why-storytelling-matters/

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sharing grief puts a healing distance between us and the pain — this is why storytelling matters

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Share the suffering. The opportunity to tell the story of our suffering to a compassionate and skillful listener is helpful beyond measure. Simply in the telling and retelling, we begin to shift perspective, to put a healing distance between us and the pain.

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inspired by wordsmith Steven Kalas’ reasons for writing    –

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http://www.lvrj.com/blogs/kalas/Art_is_expression_of_self_shared_with_the_world.html

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Art is expression of self shared with the world

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How did I learn to write?    Great teachers along the way, including but not limited to the Hayakawas & Nishiharas of my formative teen years.

Why do I write?   Some people keep a diary. Some people write in a journal. Some people keep meticulous photo albums, chronicling important moments, times, places and people.

I write about my observations and experiences.

If it moves me deeply, it will show up in my written words. If it opens my heart, it will show up in a written format. If it compels me in paradox, if it makes me tremble with humility and gratitude, if it mobilizes outrage or contempt, it will become a written composition. If I fall in love with you, if I despise you, if you bless me, if you hurt me badly enough, don’t be surprised if you end up in a written verse.

If it makes me hope, makes me ache, makes me cry, then I hand it to heaven, where it ricochets off eternity and pours itself into my Jung archetype named Shadow. Then it pours back out into the world.

Shadow has more than once saved my sanity. Maybe even my life.

I write to know myself better.

Here’s a paradox:  Real art is, for the true artist, an act of the purest selfishness, which, because it is pure selfishness, moves out into the world as extravagant generosity.

Selfishness? Yes. A true artist is never first a performer. He/she doesn’t do it for us. The artist is lost in self. For self. Obedient to a voice that cannot be ignored or denied. Art is near hedonism. A naked reveling. It includes suffering, yes, but even the agony is more a masochistic pleasure.

Generosity? Yes. The artist’s brazen and shameless desire to dig so deeply into self produces art that forces us to dig more deeply. To see ourselves more transparently. Art is a cosmic mirror.

Deciding to listen to my Shadow is deciding to see me naked. Though you won’t know that while you’re listening. If my art moves you, then you will see yourself naked. And that’s always a good thing. People come to an artist’s art as a voyeur. But what they spy on, in the end, is themselves.

Does that make me an exhibitionist? I can live with that. It’s a fair cop.

I’ve written much before which never made the trek into our current  internet era. The first one was about nostalgia of love lost. The last one is this composition here. But, as sage Steven Kalas says about his songwriting,  it’s Steven’s song No. 92 that probably would tell you the most about why I write for myself to share with you, the world.

My heroes have always been naked/ Warm in the clothes of their transparent identity/ Maybe we all should be naked/ With nothing to hide there’s no need to pretend not to see

But shame is the name of the master who must be obeyed/ And after a while we learn to like being a slave

The naked man/ He takes a stand/ He lets the people see/ We point and laugh/ We’re taken back/ But freedom lives in authenticity.

Like a lot of songs, it works on several levels at once. On the most personal level, it’s about my passion to live authentically. I don’t always get there, but I respect myself when I try.

On another level, it’s about my admiration of people who do live “nakedly.” Was John Lennon a card-carrying narcissist? Well of course. But I get why he posed naked with Yoko on the album cover of “Two Virgins.” He was trying to crawl out from under the deadly weight of Beatlemania, a fame he sought, created and then rightly abhorred.

And later, I was surprised to discover it’s a song about my spirituality. In Steven’s case, it’s a song about Jesus.

My heroes are those who live naked/ The man that you meet still the man who is there when you leave/ But brave are the ones who live naked/ Most people are hiding and naked is their enemy

Naked is a mirror in which there is no choice but to see/ So we break the mirror and then blame it for making us bleed

The naked man/ He takes a stand/ He lets the people see/ His naked fate/ Humiliate/ What people hate is authenticity.

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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-morley/writing-tips-6-ways_b_1591232.html#s1088091&title=Workshops_work

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We are born writers in the sense that we are born storytellers. Language is who we are to the world.  Our ability to tell our story with clarity and panache will make the difference between being heard and being ignored.

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We like to think that artistic genius, at least, feeds on solitude. It is not uncommon for new writers to worry that they will become less distinct, less original, if they spend too much time sharing ideas with their peers. But consider the case of Jorge Luis Borges. When he went to Europe as a young aspiring poet, he found his feet (and an education) in the tertulias of Madrid. Returning to his native city of Buenos Aires, he continued the habit. The almost nightly conversations he had with Adolfo Bioy Casares and other writers fed directly into his writing, and into theirs. If Latin America literature then went off in a direction not yet possible in Europe and North America, it is largely thanks to this unruly group of literary hybrids, who drew as much inspiration from Edgar Allen Poe and G.K. Chesterton as they did from Shakespeare and Verlaine. They gave each other the courage to be break conventions, question received ideas, and imagine the unimaginable.       – Maureen Freely
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Write, firmly believing that imagination is the quintessential self/the quintessential way of “knowing” the world. This imaginative knowing has the potential to dispel barriers that isolate individuals and communities. Exercising imaginative “knowing” allows, always, for a potentially transcendent narrative, that is trans-global, trans-cultural and speaks to our common humanity.    – Jewell Parker Rhodes
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http://www.pccs.va/index.php/en/news2/attualita/item/787-suspense-novelist-writes-about-people-finding-hope-redemption

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Koontz acknowledges he has “a very low boredom threshold” and wants to be entertained by what he writes.   He says he’s been asked, “I want you to write a book that’s very dark and very noir and everybody dies in the end and there’s no meaning to anything.” To which he replies, “You don’t need me to do that. It’s everywhere.”

“That’s not what I do,” Koontz said. “I write about people trying to find hope and redemption in their lives from suspense.”

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2012/12/27/i-will-die-a-good-death/

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I will die a good death — as my greatest hero Viktor Frankl said, “having been” is the surest kind of being, though it cannot inspire envy [life is full of suffering].

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I love and am loved.   I want to love and want to be loved.   I am true to my heart and I lead with my heart.    I will die a good death.    No one but me decides my attitude when I die.  

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Like basketball/football, I process my life in 4 quarters of 20 years each.    The first quarter was schooling in preparation for the workplace.    The second quarter was raising a family.   The third quarter was paying down the sundry bills which came with a life full of activity.   My final & fourth quarter consists of retirement & emotional preparation of inevitable death.    I will die a good death. 

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I always have an immutable enduring image of Wainaku Pua Lane’s Albert Pacheco Sr. as he rested his head in his lap while sitting on the shoreline boulder by our Wailuku river “singing bridge” astride our ubiquitous lighthouse  — contemplating his own death of terminal cancer while still in his middle ages.     Ohhh so sad.   For the first 3 quarters of my frenetic “frantic” life  — I never “got” [captured] the feel of mortality that coursed thru Albert’s soul as he engaged the end of his life.    Now I “get it.”    I will die a good death.   I am at peace with myself.     Albert is my hero.     Albert’s example is my example.     Die a good death.    No one owns my attitude with my death.   Life’s journey in deepest selfhood always in the end is walked alone. 

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2012/12/14/because-in-the-end-great-journeys-of-integrity-are-walked-alone-sage-steven-kalas/

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Albert walked wondrously to his inner peace.   Albert was the greatest husband, father, & friend.    And the humblest!     Albert is my hero.

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Hope Kiko Nakamura of downtown Hilo’s Kino’ole St. also is my hero.   A native of Japan, she is Amaterasu, my sun goddess who is kindness personified.    Nihonjin are very bigoted because of our racial homogeneity [master race psychomania], so to speak.    Not Hope Maki, who is the most loving person around — to people of all colors, social classes, manners, ages.     Also, I have never seen an older woman any unthinkably prettier than Hope Maki — yet she is our humblest person, singularly divine like Albert Pacheco.     Hope Maki and Albert Pacheco are my immortal heroes — forever inspiring — every generation should observe, study, and learn from these 2 sublime archetypes [greatness beyond all possibility of calculation, measurement or imitation][like Jesus & like Scripture’s Pericopes/Parables, my dynamic duo above exemplifies such confounding deepest Truths/frustration-reversal of conventional expectations — huli’au/upside down outcomes but the righteous results, so to speak].      Their interior contemplative humblest nature undyingly are for the ages, and they inspire me to no end.   

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2012/12/26/in-praise-of-gautam-mukundas-extraordinary-study-indispensable-when-leaders-really-matter/

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2012/02/28/sublime/

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Scripture as eternal true myth [according to a believer] per processing a la Jesus:

Turning common-sense ideas upside down, confounding the expectations of His audience: He/Jesus preached of “Heaven’s imperial rule” [traditionally translated as “Kingdom of God“] as being already present but unseen; He depicts God as a loving father; He squares shoulders with outsiders and criticizes insiders.   Christ evokes not simply an apocalyptic eschatology/end-time, but more critically a sapiential eschatology, which encourages all of God’s children to repair the world.     Since Christ lived and preached in an oral culture, scholars expect that short, memorable stories or phrases are more likely to be historical and factual.

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Irony:   Based on several important narrative parables [such as the Parable of the Good Samaritan], scholars decided that irony, reversal, and frustration of expectations were characteristic of Christ’s style.   Does a pericope/concise passage illustrate opposites or impossibilities?   If it does, it’s more likely to be authentic.   For example, “love your enemies.”     http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesus_Seminar#Criteria_for_authenticity
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Not just the Parables but the  beatitudes feature the dramatic presentation and reversal of expectations that are characteristic of Christ.  The poor are accepted as constituting the primary recipients of the Good News and, therefore, as having an inherent capacity of understanding it better than anyone else. That’s pretty threatening for any comfortable Christian. For not only do we have to help the poor, not only do we have to advocate on their behalf, we also have to see them as perhaps understanding God better than we do!  But that’s not a new idea:  It goes back to Jesus. The poor, the sick and the outcast “got” him better than the wealthy did.   Perhaps because there was less standing between the poor and God.   Less stuff [pride].   Maybe that’s why Jesus said in the Gospel of Matthew, “You will have treasure in heaven, and follow me.” Like I said, pretty disturbing, then and now. It’s hardly “the opposite of the Gospel,” as ousted Fox News pundit Glenn Beck said.      http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rev-james-martin-sj/glenn-beck-vs-christ-the-_b_698359.html

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On real time forgiveness, note the instance of the man who accidentally spills a bowl of  chicken soup on another man.   The other man is aghast, then lets out the amazing Grace of a punchline   –  “Well, at least I love the comforting aroma of chicken soup!!”   Wow!!

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Jesus always embraced the reproached, the outcasts, of society, knowing that these imperfect ones had a closer affinity with God, more so than the overproud sentients full of contemptuous opinions and

scathing comments vs. others. To Jesus, imperfection is beautiful, as we grow in God’s Holiness. His Holiness, is not outcome dependent for us on earth.

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Live Life Backward in 2013, Yes!   The New Year’s Resolution:   Inspired by something/someone,  mission on, baby!!

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Live inspired each day.

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As Erwin McManus writes, “There are few things more powerful than a life lived with passionate clarity.”

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2013/01/16/does-your-life-have-purpose/

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2013/01/04/randy-pausch-steven-kalas-living-meaningfully/

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2013/01/17/harriet-beecher-stowes-prophetic-engine-sage-joan-d-hedrick/

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Top five regrets of the dying

A nurse has recorded the most common regrets of the dying, and among the top ones is ‘I wish I hadn’t worked so hard’. What would your biggest regret be if this was your last day of life?

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Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

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Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. “When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently,” she says, “common themes surfaced again and again.”

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Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:

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1.   I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

“This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.”

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2.   I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”

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3.   I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”

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4.   I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

“Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”

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5.   I wish that I had let myself be happier.

“This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”

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What’s your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or change before you die?

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‘Faitheist’: Social Change Through Storytelling

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America is diverse. However, this diversity occurs in safe, isolated pockets that are stagnant and unengaged with one another. Diana Eck, religious scholar and founder of The Pluralism Project at Harvard University, notes that diversity is nothing to be proud of. Diversity is the description of a community, like Tufts or America, where people of different beliefs or backgrounds happen to be in the same location. Pluralism, rather, is the “active seeking of understanding across lines of difference.” It is this engagement that breaks down barriers and guards against prejudice. If we want to make pluralism, rather than diversity, a descriptive fact of our community, we need emissaries to navigate cultural boundaries. We need to invite others inside our communities and show them what we value. And we need storytellers.

“Faitheist” works to end this ideological segregation. Chris humanizes atheism by sharing his life and his values; he aims to end the cycle of isolation and tribalism by encouraging others to contribute their own story to our collective narrative. The more we get to know each other, the more our prejudices will dissolve. Toward the end of the book, he notes: “The moment I shared my story as an atheist, others felt more comfortable sharing their own.” “Faitheist” isn’t just a memoir; it’s a continuation of the biographical heritage established by “Roots”, “The Diary of Anne Frank” and “Hiroshima” — the books that informed Chris about the radical depths of human suffering and inspired his dedication to justice — but it is also the predecessor to a new generation of compassionate voices articulating their beliefs while serving humanity. Chris’ model of interfaith engagement and storytelling will, I believe, make my university and my country better places — places where diversity actually means something.

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2012/12/27/theodicy-suffering-in-the-world-and-the-problem-of-evil-an-afterlife-is-a-cop-out/

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2012/12/28/music-divine-heaven-pours-choirs-of-angels-across-her-vocal-chords-and-out-into-the-celestial-sky-above-choose-honeybun-adorned-leann-rimes-or-unadorned-maureen-kilgore/

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Remarkable that one’s experiences span a century or more, if one is lucky enough to live into old age.       My uncle Masaaki 1903-1970 was 50 years older than me.    My grandson Silas is 50 years younger than me.    Uncle Masaaki is a century older than Silas.     My life experiences span a century between Uncle Masaaki and my grandson Silas.    Gatz!    Defy Father Time??

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Of course, one can stretch even longer life’s time span   –   my grandma [Uncle Masaaki’s & my dad’s mama] Tome was 70 years older than me.     I’m just short of age 60, so my lifeblood youngest progeny is my youngest grandchild, my granddaughter Maya, who is 59 years younger than me.     Not equidistant, but 130 years separate my grandma Tome from my granddaughter Maya.     

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Actor William Demarest 1892-1983 was 60 years older than me, thus meeting the equidistance measure, with my granddaughter Maya being 60 years younger than me — the total span being 120 years from William Demarest [or my uncle Bill Cappy Chun, also born in Demarest’s time] to my granddaughter Maya.      Here is prolific vaudeville/longtime character actor Demarest  –

William Demarest Picture

William Demarest(1892–1983)


Born in St. Paul, Minnesota, William Demarest was a prolific actor in movies and TV, making more than 140 films. Demarest started his acting career in vaudeville and made his way to Broadway. His most famous role was in My Three Sons, replacing a very sick William Frawley. Demarest was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Actor in a Supporting role in the real-life biography…See full bio »

Died:

December 28,     1983         (age 91) in        Palm Springs, California, USA

Still of Humphrey Bogart and William Demarest in All Through the NightStill of Humphrey Bogart, Peter Lorre and William Demarest in All Through the Night
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Of course, this year’s 60th year Diamond Jubilee with majestic Queen Elizabeth had the most amazing aerial displays    –
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but let’s also  remember lusty [yes, con todo mi alma y corazon] Victoria‘s Diamond Jubilee in 1897  [my grandparents were hormonal teens bent on pioneering East to the Hawaiian islands of silk & honey][Victoria is current Queen Elizabeth’s great great grandmother][our greatest modern Hawaiian statesperson Pi’ehu Iaukea 1855-1940 pilgrimaged to England for this tremendous occasion — Pi’ehu was preceded in great diplomacy & leadership by Kamehameha III Kauikeaouli 1813-1854]

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Thence, my immigrant grandparents’ odyssey East transcended both Victoria’s & current Queen Elizabeth’s reigns –   my ojisans/obasans [tutus] experienced both divine queens in all their soulful reigns   – 115 years  [Victoria in 1897 & Elizabeth’s 2012 jubilee] spanning 3 centuries [1800s to 2000s]!!!    Wow!!

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I was 20 when my daughter was born, 40 when my oldest grandchild/mo’opuna kane was born, 50 when my middle grandson was born [among 5 grandchildren, 3 boys, 2 girls], and nearly 60 when my youngest grandchild/mo’opuna wahine was born.    

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My parents whom I worship and miss dearly were 40 years older than me.    My mature parents were tutus/grandparents to me in age chronology, & I am blessed by their mature wisdom/magnanimity & composure/equanimity.  

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My parents died 15 years ago 4 months apart [coincidence  — Mom died of a stroke/Dad died 4 months later from cancer].

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I felt like a grandchild blessed with the most loving & supportive tutus/grandparents in the world, though when I was a barefoot plantation toddler here in Wainaku [Ha’aheo Elem. School atop Kamehameha the Great’s most beautiful pu’u/hilltop]  — I felt terribly embarassed that my parents were fuddy-duddy oldsters vs. my village kid peers’ parents, and that my mom worked, so that I never came home to a homemaker mom who had cookies laid out for me on the kitchen table in our old plantation mill camp.    

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When my parents died 15 years ago, I suddenly crossed over to be a tutu/grandparent to my burgeoning mo’opuna/grandkids.     My grandparents 70 years older than me had died by the time I was born.

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I don’t remember being a child [in a most blessed sense], but undeniably I was blessed/gifted [of the spirits?  Cor./Romans/Ephesians/Peter/etc.] as a grandchild would be, with my dearest parents who were like grandparents to me in wisdom/countenance.    

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Nor do I remember being a parent [my daughter who is approaching middle age at 40  — laughingly tells me that I was a lousy party animal parent but above all else  — I loved my daughter more than anything/anyone in the whole wide world  — and this is the only thing which counted for my daughter, which is/means everything to her!!].    

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But now here I am as a grandparent [by default  — ha ha  ha — still a party animal], and wow, time flies, baby! !!

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And now I am by default/pied piper via hedonism/elan tutu again to 2 dearest “hanai”/emotional attachment — mo’opuna  — Colton age 27 & Jill age 22, grandkids to me in age chronology!   I ask Colton how may I be of service to him/Jill, & Colton shoots back, “Don’t!   Just be you!”    Gatz!   Who am I????   [ha ha    ;-)    ]   

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Foggy bottom, baby   — is my head — spinning like a top???!!    Ha ha!   Dig my hero George Harrison’s video   –   [40 years from age 20 to 60 for me  — go by in the blink of an eye!!][Maui resident Harrison died of cancer at age 58 after 9/11 & a year after this You Tube video was produced] 

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Yes, I hope to make it to age 80 & still feel like a passionate teenager in love!!   Ha ha ha!!        Enjoy [the treats below], baby!!!

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Age is a   figment of our imagination    — our core being is   ageless!       –

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See especially timeclock 4:19 to 5:05 of youtube below about Harrison’s opinion on aging as soulfully deepest youth enjoyed  –

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0uVnKjv4fK0&feature=related

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philosophy_of_suicide#Liberalism

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Forms of Existentialist thinking essentially begin with the premise that life is objectively meaningless, and proceed to the question of why one should not just kill oneself  –   they then answer this question by suggesting that the individual has the power to give personal meaning to life and to death by taking one’s own life  [killing oneself].

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But my pal Puerto Rican Frankie Boreliz born 1946, without even a formal grade school education, presciently and prophetically says that a suicidal person suffering from immense loss [of a loved one] needs encouragement and comfort and a re-building of self-respect and self-confidence.  

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Frankie wanted to kill himself after his wife continuously committed adultery with other men, but through the help of Frankie’s psychiatrist Dr. Bloomgarden — Frankie was able to restore Frankie’s self-respect.  

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Frankie’s baby brother Roy did not fare fortunately  — Roy OD’d on painkillers after Roy’s wife left Roy  — and Frankie laments till this day that if only Frankie & others could have carried Roy — literally — and held and comforted Roy  — Roy would be alive and joyful today!!    So sad.   Ohhh so sad  …..

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_wmS9DleJ4

[melody from Minuet in G major — J.S. Bach’s Notebook for Anna Magdalena Bach]

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2012/04/24/taboo-talk-about-suicide/

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2012/12/07/great-ennoblers-of-wisdom-frankl-kalas-on-the-taboo-topic-of-suicide/

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2012/11/13/van-gogh-the-wisdom-and-soul-of-the-ways-of-our-cherished-old-but-do-not-kill-yourself-like-he-did/

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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/alan-watt/why-we-write_b_2411000.html

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Why We Write

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By approaching our writing from this perspective we take our thumb off the scale, and in doing so make conscious what was previously unconscious.

And that is the goal of story: to make meaning out of a set of events.

Growth is painful. To make a choice involves discomfort, because it demands that we take responsibility. But it also means that we get to live in reality. To create from a place of fantasy, of groundlessness, is an escape — which is different than losing ourselves in our work by shedding our ego for a deeper connection to our humanity.

Why we write is more important than what we write because our reason for writing influences the content of our work. It is important to remember that we don’t have to do this. The world is not in a rush for more books. There are more great works of fiction, poetry, memoir, history and pumpkin soup recipes than we will ever have time to consume.

If we’re going to write, it is because we have a desire to express ourselves, even if we don’t quite understand what we wish to say. It might just be an inner yearning, but by making the choice to engage in the process rather than the result, our work has a chance to live. In expressing ourselves, we make what we write essential, if only to ourselves, and by beginning from this place, it has a chance to affect the world.

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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kevin-powell/letter-to-a-young-man_b_2581273.html?utm_hp_ref=gps-for-the-soul&ir=GPS%20for%20the%20Soul

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I hope you read my short letter with an open heart and mind, even though you do not know me. I’ve heard about your situation and wanted to personally reach out to you, because I believe in you, and because I believe in the potential and possibilities of your life. As you may know, I am a writer of 11 books, I do speeches across America and overseas, my life is dedicated to public service, to helping others, and I have done many things on television. I feel very blessed to have the life that I have now.

But it has not always been that way for me, K. I come from a single mother, an absent father, and the kind of poverty and violence I would not wish on anyone. There were several occasions when I did not think I was going to make it, when my own mother thought I was not going to make it. You see, K, in spite of great grades and a love of education when I was growing up, I got into trouble a lot in school. I had a very bad temper, was prone to fighting and talking back to teachers, and got suspended from school regularly. By the time I was a teenager this had turned into me getting into trouble with the police and a couple of arrests. And this battle with low self-esteem, violence, and confusion about who I was carried on well into my 20s and 30s because I was very stuck emotionally and spiritually. I should be very honest here, K, and also say I have battled depression and thoughts of suicide myself at different points in my life, because I saw no reason to live. I have been where you are, and I understand 100 percent how you must feel this very moment, K.

In my lifetime I have been homeless, suspended from college, embarrassed by relationships, and both the perpetrator and victim of violence. I have had great life and career opportunities, and I have thrown away or otherwise sabotaged just as many opportunities. But, K, eventually I realized that I could no longer be mad at my absent father, or my mother, that I had to learn how to forgive myself, learn how to forgive them or anyone I felt had hurt me in some way, and that I had to be the man God put me on this earth to be. And that I had to do the things I really love in life, and surround myself with people and things that make me happy, in spite of how hard this world may be. Before I got to this point, K, I truly wanted to end my life, too, and I spent several years drowning my sadness with liquor. I would often drink simply to go to sleep.

Therefore when I hear about situations like yours, and how much your mother loves you, and how intelligent and talented you are, I feel compelled to say something, to reach out. You’ve got to live, K, because you and your life are so very valuable. You’ve been put on this earth to do incredible things, my friend. You are a prince and you are a genius. I need you to know these things as much as you know the blood that runs through your veins and the air you breathe. We cannot change the past; you must, again, let it go, forgive yourself, take the life lessons, and vow to make new mistakes, not the same old mistakes, because you’ve decided to live without fear, to live freely. Life is about good times and bad times, victories and mistakes, so there is nothing wrong with falling down. But you cannot stay down. You cannot give up. You have far too much to live for, far too much to give to yourself, to your mother, to your family, to your community, to this world. And you are not merely living for yourself. You are living for every young person who will never have the life chances that you have had, who do not even have a basic skill or talent they have nurtured as you have. This means, K, that you’ve gone through these very difficult times to make you stronger and wiser, to make you a greater human being and a greater man.

It took me a very long time to understand why I faced the many obstacles I faced. But now that I am in my 40s I can see it all very clearly. As a life-long lover of music, and especially as a life-long hiphop head, I also recognize that the soundtrack of my life, be it Tupac Shakur or Kendrick Lamar, The Beatles or The Black Keys, has always been about finding a way out of no way, you feel me? Especially when times are roughest and darkest. But it can be done, K, I know this because I am proof of it. Far too many people forgot about me, dissed me, abandoned me, and left me for dead. And I nearly did it to myself.

But you are much smarter and stronger than I was at your age, K, and I know you are going to be fine. I know that you want to live, and I know that you want to be. And one day, not long from today, you will look back on this period of your life and be thankful that you experienced what you’ve gone through. Because you decided, right in this moment, to take full control of your life once and for all. Just because you love yourself, K, more than ever.

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12 Responses to dealing with being rejected/forsaken — the upside/redemptive way to deal with not being chosen

  1. Pingback: If we’re going to write, it is because we have a desire to express ourselves, even if we don’t quite understand what we wish to say. It might just be an inner yearning, but by making the choice to engage in the process rather than the result, our work

  2. Pingback: If we’re going to write, it is because we have a desire to express ourselves, even if we don’t quite understand what we wish to say. It might just be an inner yearning, but by making the choice to engage in the process rather than the result, our work

  3. Pingback: If we’re going to write, it is because we have a desire to express ourselves, even if we don’t quite understand what we wish to say. It might just be an inner yearning, but by making the choice to engage in the process rather than the result, our work

  4. Pingback: If we’re going to write, it is because we have a desire to express ourselves, even if we don’t quite understand what we wish to say. It might just be an inner yearning, but by making the choice to engage in the process rather than the result, our work

  5. Pingback: If we’re going to write, it is because we have a desire to express ourselves, even if we don’t quite understand what we wish to say. It might just be an inner yearning, but by making the choice to engage in the process rather than the result, our work

  6. Pingback: If we’re going to write, it is because we have a desire to express ourselves, even if we don’t quite understand what we wish to say. It might just be an inner yearning, but by making the choice to engage in the process rather than the result, our work

  7. Pingback: If we’re going to write, it is because we have a desire to express ourselves, even if we don’t quite understand what we wish to say. It might just be an inner yearning, but by making the choice to engage in the process rather than the result, our work

  8. Pingback: If we’re going to write, it is because we have a desire to express ourselves, even if we don’t quite understand what we wish to say. It might just be an inner yearning, but by making the choice to engage in the process rather than the result, our work

  9. Pingback: If we’re going to write, it is because we have a desire to express ourselves, even if we don’t quite understand what we wish to say. It might just be an inner yearning, but by making the choice to engage in the process rather than the result, our work

  10. Pingback: If we’re going to write, it is because we have a desire to express ourselves, even if we don’t quite understand what we wish to say. It might just be an inner yearning, but by making the choice to engage in the process rather than the result, our work

  11. Pingback: If we’re going to write, it is because we have a desire to express ourselves, even if we don’t quite understand what we wish to say. It might just be an inner yearning, but by making the choice to engage in the process rather than the result, our work

  12. Pingback: If we’re going to write, it is because we have a desire to express ourselves, even if we don’t quite understand what we wish to say. It might just be an inner yearning, but by making the choice to engage in the process rather than the result, our work

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