I know a man whose relationship with his father is painful, conflicted and marked in childhood with fear, degradation, disrespect and occasional violence. He said that, in his early 30s, for reasons he still doesn’t quite comprehend, he confronted his father with their history. “My father listened respectfully,” the man said. “Then he said, ‘Well, at least you know I always loved you.’ And I can’t believe what then came out of my mouth. I said, ‘That may well be. OK. You always loved me. But that’s not my point.’ ”“What is your point?” the father asked.“My point is that you suck at love,” the man said.Wow. Bet that was a pregnant moment. I admired this young man/son. I told him that moment made me think about the boy Arthur, standing beneath a golden light, giving him the strength to pull a sword from a stone. In such moments, boys can become men. And men are given a chance to become (the archetypal) king. — Steven Kalas

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http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=images+love+as+action&qpvt=images+love+as+action&FORM=IGRE#view=detail&id=A9D9CFA6B670B8ACBB87563CE59A47C500FC736C&selectedIndex=82

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http://www.reviewjournal.com/columns-blogs/steven-kalas/knowing-love-and-feeling-loved-are-different-things-entirely

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Little or no difference exists between the receiver’s experience of a love that can’t be shown and a love that doesn’t exist at all. That is, by definition, if you love me but can’t show me you love me, then, while I might be able to objectively acknowledge the fact of your love (agree that you love me), that fact will be of little or dubious use to me. It will be an intellectual assent. I can concur, philosophically speaking. Yes, you love me.

Hmm. Existential solace. Uh, thank you for that. I guess.

If you don’t mind me dipping into my former life as a priest, I think this is what the epistle of James means: “You believe that God is one; you do well. Even the demons believe — and shudder.” (James 2:19). Meaning, whoopdeedoo, that you believe in God. That’s not the hard part. For belief in God to have meaning, you will have to take the risk of faith. And faith is always and only measured in action.

How we are raised is a predictor of how we will love. A huge, overly determining predictor, in fact. But I’m not arguing cause here. I’m arguing for radical responsibility. I think parents are radically responsible for the quality and competence of their love for their children, even when that competence is overly determined by how they were raised. I think children, as they become adults, are radically responsible for seeing the parents as they are, whatever the “love competence” quotient those parents ultimately wielded.

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2013/05/22/love-as-a-verb-is-in-the-end-more-meaningful-than-love-as-a-noun-i-know-this-because-i-can-act-in-your-best-interest-that-is-love-you-absent-any-feeling-of-love-whatsoever-i-can-even-act-in-you/

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One Response to I know a man whose relationship with his father is painful, conflicted and marked in childhood with fear, degradation, disrespect and occasional violence. He said that, in his early 30s, for reasons he still doesn’t quite comprehend, he confronted his father with their history. “My father listened respectfully,” the man said. “Then he said, ‘Well, at least you know I always loved you.’ And I can’t believe what then came out of my mouth. I said, ‘That may well be. OK. You always loved me. But that’s not my point.’ ”“What is your point?” the father asked.“My point is that you suck at love,” the man said.Wow. Bet that was a pregnant moment. I admired this young man/son. I told him that moment made me think about the boy Arthur, standing beneath a golden light, giving him the strength to pull a sword from a stone. In such moments, boys can become men. And men are given a chance to become (the archetypal) king. — Steven Kalas

  1. Pingback: Symbol is not the thing it represents: God challenges the tormented [a passive-noun, a victim symbol] to forgive [an active-verb] the tormentor [with possibility of tormentor's redemption via the spiritual power of God] | Curtis Narimatsu

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