The existence of cowards can be summed up: “The sum of the intelligence of the planet is a constant, and the population is increasing.”

 

*

http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=images+afraid&qpvt=images+afraid&FORM=IGRE#view=detail&id=F5CBE3A5EB0F6FFD590CA19DEC1C4521BCDAEFE4&selectedIndex=210

*

*

http://www.reviewjournal.com/columns-blogs/steven-kalas/live-take-risk

*

*

*

*

https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2012/07/13/energy-vamps-croix-and-george-brine/

*

*

Hilo’s self-anointed know-it-alls’  Croix Bertelmann St. Louis High ’70 and George Tidal Brine born September 10, 1965  reprise energy vamp[ires] time and again  –
*
*
Decent compassionate folks who try to forge filial/familial bonds with these individuals find themselves quickly depleted of emotion, spirit and vitality.
*
*
~~~~~~It’s  having the life sucked out of you by Count Dracula.~~~~~~~
*
*
Until they are surrounded by a critical mass of folks with consistent boundaries — and by boundaries here I mean an abject refusal to tolerate the absence of reciprocity and the demands of entitlement,  the willingness to surrender these people radically to the consequences of their behaviors — I don’t hold out much hope they will look at themselves. Ever.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

*

tightrope dichotomy of trying to be The Observer (detached, staying objective) yet still having the very real human experience of being “driven crazy.”

It is personal when we are conscripted into someone’s crises of fear and smallness.

*

It is personal to be deliberately moved about the game board of someone’s life as if we were no more than a lesser chess piece in the contest of ego-defense [fear] and self-importance/arrogance [smallness].

It hurts to be treated as a means to an end. The hurt is a sign of our health — our self-respect — not a sign that anything about us needs to be fixed.

And yet … it is equally a sign of self-respect that we make an effort to be The Observer.

*

We do this, too, because we love.   [Croix & George are incapable to love all but themselves selfishly]

*

Despite our hurt and disappointment, we want to try to understand, to attempt to answer the question of what’s really going on here.

*

http://www.lvrj.com/view/mom-s-changing-stories-about-money-cause-hurt-confusion-138834794.html

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

Self-compassion is NOT associated with Croix’ & George Brine’s easy insecure downsides of self-esteem such as ego-defense [fear] and self-importance/arrogance/social comparison/false-imitation-over- pride/narcissism [smallness].

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kristin-neff/self-compassion_b_843721.html

*

*

Self-compassion recognizes that the human condition is imperfect, so that we desire to feel connected to others when we fail or suffer  [grief/loss]  –   instead of feeling stigmatized or ostracized and separate or isolated.

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

http://www.livescience.com/17398-schadenfreude-affirmation.html

*

*

*

*

“When you have low self-esteem, you will do almost anything to feel better, and when you’re confronted with the misfortune of others, you’ll feel schadenfreude [cruel gratification],”  van Dijk told LiveScience.  “In this study, if we give people something to affirm their self, then what we found is they have less schadenfreude — they don’t need the misfortune of others to feel better anymore.”

*

*

“We know that it’s very good  to feel empathy  and sympathy for people, so if you feel schadenfreude without any sympathy or compassion for that other person, that would not be good,”  van Dijk said.     ”Our society thrives on compassion and empathy.”

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

http://www.livescience.com/16650-narcissists-esteem.html

*

*

Narcissists may seem to love themselves, but a new study finds that narcissistic self-aggrandizement may hide deep feelings of inferiority.

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*   

*
You wonder just how oblivious, insensitive and narcissistic some people can be. Or maybe that’s redundant. Maybe the grip of narcissism is, by definition, oblivious and insensitive.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

An overprideful person “swallows one’s own stomach.” Such nature entails endless self-aggrandizement and vanity, and ensures incomprehensibility at the moment it compels authenticity/truth.

*

It is true, the strength behind the leader is the person who mystifies me, the so-called unspoken one, like baby brother Andrew was to Peter [Bible].

*

God has no use for pride, such that the meekest of the meek went on to lead, like Moses/Gideon.

*

Look at King David. Lowly Nathan chastened shell-shocked David. Look at Joshua/etc. All unheralded/unsung heroes. Tremendous symbolism of “never judge a book by its cover.”

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

“NeedToBeTheBest” has always been a cocktail of ego, insecurity, and envy.

*

*

http://www.lvrj.com/blogs/kalas/Sorting_through_excellence_mediocrity_and_the_need_to_be_the_best.html

*

*

the NeedToBeTheBest has NEVER been my friend. 

*

The NeedToBeTheBest is like one of those ‘friends’ Tommy Shaw (Styx) sang about in the song Too Much Time on My Hands:  “I got dozens of friends, as long as I’m buying.”

*

The NeedToBeTheBest is like the Queen’s mirror in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

*

Does she seem to you like someone with Inner Peace?

*

Inner Peace is a marriage of self-respect and self-acceptance yielding contentment. 

*

For me, NeedToBeTheBest has always been a cocktail of ego, insecurity, and envy.

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Absolute intolerance is always a sign of uncertainty and panic. Why do you have to hunt down everyone unless you’re weak [like Croix Bertelmann & George Brine]??  
*
The Vatican doesn’t seem to care if its members’ beliefs are based on faith or fear, conviction or coercion. But what is the quality of a belief that exists simply because it’s enforced?  
   

“To be narrowing the discussion and instilling fear in people seems to be exactly the opposite of what’s called for these days,” says the noted religion writer Kenneth Briggs. “All this foot-stomping just diminishes the church’s credibility even more.”      

This is America. We don’t hunt heresies here. We welcome them. 

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

like energy/psychic vamps Croix & George, so is Wall St. formatted/structured unilaterally to its advantage

*

http://baselinescenario.com/2012/07/12/the-market-has-spoken-and-it-is-rigged/

*

*   

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

Shower a rainbow for others

Exemplars like my personal mentor  — grassroot June Gutmanis 1925-1998  [full-on haole feminist who was castigated by  Hawaiian bigots —  but whose treatises on Hawaiian metaphysics —  Na Pule Kahiko —     and herbal medicines — Kahuna La’au Lapa’au — are staples/required in coursework today]  —    provide us a deep mirror into the celebration of being human, of reaching into the collective human experience of a culture. And as sagacious Steven Kalas says, the death of a momentous exemplar is felt painfully and powerfully in our human psyche. The loss is real and meaningful. And so is the grief.

*

*

*

The loss becomes even more powerful when the particular exemplar also carries your personal projections. That is, the exemplar’s life mirrors important pieces of your own psychic journey. Your own life dramas. You miss the beauty, the passion, the inspiration and hope that pour through an exemplar and into our lives especially during times of deepest social & financial misery. For this is when we need our exemplar the most. The capacity for gratitude is itself humility. Gratitude and humility are symbiotic. The only people who can say “thank you” are people who have learned of dependence and interdependence. The best of life is not a result of what shortfall we deserve, but the opposite, of simple yet profound indulgences and pleasures — a smile, a tear of joy.

*

*

*

*

*

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

Artistic license which results in great movies like “The Last Samurai”  [courage/clean heart/prophecy — anticipate the future]   –

*

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roman_a_clef

*

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Film_%C3%A0_clef

*

*

*

*

*

The spiritual warrior can be described as an archetype character on a journey for self discovery to benefit others.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Warrior_code#Spiritual_warrior

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

great Joseph Campbell [mythology thruout history]  –

*

As the ultimate truth cannot be expressed in plain words, spiritual rituals and stories refer to it through the use of “metaphors,” a term Campbell used heavily and insisted on its proper meaning: In contrast with comparisons, which use the word like, metaphors pretend to a literal interpretation of what they are referring to, as in the sentence “Jesus is the Son of God” rather than “the relationship of man to God is like that of a son to a father.” According to Campbell, the Genesis myth from the Bible ought not be taken as a literal description of historical events happening in our current understanding of time and space, but as a metaphor for the rise of man’s cognitive consciousness as it evolved from a prior animal state.

*

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Campbell#Monomyth

*

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Power_of_Myth

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

I ask myself to make it to tomorrow for life to start anew  — I need to move beyond today’s loss   —-

*

*
*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*
So, how do ruined people pick up and move on again toward a thriving, grateful life?   The first order of business is surrender. We stop railing against the harm.  Somewhere inside of ourselves, we make an authentic peace with the fact that no one is immune to harm. We decide to deeply believe that we waste our lives insisting every scale must be balanced before we are free.
*
Second, in some cases, we walk away from the fight. Yes, we give up. We acknowledge that our naysayer self-important detractor has won and move on to other work, other opportunities to give life a chance.
*
And third, we decide that no one has the power to make life anything less than good.  You might call this decision a decision of Faith.  I am a seminarian and minister by backdrop.
*
*
*
*
*

*

*

*
*
*
That best portion of a good  man’s life; his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and  love.

*

from William Wordsworth

*

*

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/agapi-stassinopoulos/heart-drive_b_1623909.html?utm_hp_ref=daily-brief?utm_source=DailyBrief&utm_campaign=062612&utm_medium=email&utm_content=BlogEntry&utm_term=Daily%20Brief

*

*

*

So, if we don’t address these issues of our hearts, pains, dissatisfactions, lost dreams, separation, wishes and desires, and we pretend that these things don’t matter, then we turn on our mental, ego, and physical drives, and, as a result, our hearts collapse.

*

So, it is imperative that we take time out to listen to our hearts, and find out what is really going on inside, speak our thoughts, voice our emotions and express buried parts that we might have judged that they don’t matter.  

*

So here are my six essentials keys that I see can assist us to reboot our heart drive.

    1. Press the delete button for the old negative thoughts and patterns that undermine you and are no longer contributing to a positive flow of your life.  
    2. [I move beyond today’s loss and ask myself to make it to tomorrow for life to start anew   — with hope and optimism   — Curt]
  • Press the shift button, to shift to feelings of worthiness, joy, creativity, and a sense of belonging.
  • Press the space bar and make room to restore, listen to yourself and give yourself your full attention to what is going on in your heart. Give yourself permission to express whatever is in there.
  • Press pause, and back away from the inner and outer environments that cause you stress.  Fill yourself with the stillness of your presence, which can be extremely effective and nurturing.
  • Release the control button, and leave your heart open and free.
  • Plug into your server. Remember that your server is your source –whether you call it God, the divine, the universe or nature — and is much bigger than you and your life, and that your source has the ability to reboot you, provided you plug in.

It is through listening, attention and willingness to engage in the most vital energy of our lives, our hearts, that that we reboot our heart drives.

*

Vulnerable?     Yes.

*

Rewarding?     Immensely.

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

One should  not  feel worthless for being forsaken by another  –

*

The words were a powerful intervention and hapless.    Like stepping out in your front yard to shout down a tornado. The pathos of helplessness.

*

To live well in our grief, we have to forgive ourselves for what was not in our power to do.  

*   

“The luck of the draw.”      — Steven Kalas

*

http://www.lvrj.com/living/relationship-important-part-of-effective-therapy-127085853.html

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*
*
*

The points are to establish love and emotional support as our idyllic commands, in a tragic and indifferent world  –

*

*

*

*

http://www.lvrj.com/living/recognizing-evil-by-its-subtle-destructive-power-141344353.html

*

*

* *

* *

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

http://www.lvrj.com/view/it-s-natural-to-feel-needy-after-a-divorce-130615263.html

*

*

Attending faithfully to grief is what heals grief.   With every honest tear we get stronger.   In this way we are made ready for another chance.   Another hope of great love.

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

*

And, for those kinds of sufferings/losses that can never be entirely healed, to bear it. To find meaning in it.  To turn that suffering into some transformative work in the world.

*

And the truth is this: The human journey includes suffering. No one comes to ask for help who isn’t suffering.

*

*

But, here’s another truth: In any given time in your life, the number of people who actually, really, honestly want and are willing to grant you an engaged and healing audience for your suffering/loss  is      …       small!!     Or nonexistent!!    

*

*

*

*

Even people who sincerely love and adore you might find themselves ambivalent about really engaging and listening to the part of you that suffers. See, the people around us have egos, too. Their egos mobilize to protect them just like your ego does. “Cheer up … get over it … God has a plan … everybody is doing the best he or she can … don’t cry” — the felt motive for these messages is to help you. But each of these messages also contains the anxiety of the messenger:  Please stop bothering and disturbing me by suffering.

And that’s what most modern people do. They try to stop suffering. They “get over it.” They build layer upon layer of pretense and persona over their wounds, because it’s, well, the sociable thing to do. Most of us, then, suffer unconsciously. Because that’s the way we’ve been taught to suffer.

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

http://www.lvrj.com/living/9146411.html

*

lot of people don’t want to be present to sadness — their own or anyone else’s. Other people would like to be present to their bereaved friends and family, but don’t know how.

We live in a culture where grief is treated as a disease to be “cured,” or a weakness worthy of shame or self-loathing.

Grief is the holiest of human journeys.

One of my favorite Friedrich Nietzsche quotes is, “Everything holy requires a veil.” Now, modern Americans might think he means that we should keep things covered up because those things are shameful. Nope. He means that some things are so beautiful, so huge, so powerful, so naked, so intimate, that to gaze casually upon them would be injurious to their meaning and value. Injurious ultimately to us.

Grief is such a thing.

I concur with your observation that people around us are largely inept at befriending us in grief. Yet I also encourage people like you to remember to veil (protect and value) their grief. Keep the circle of confidants small. Pick two and no more than five people who will hear the depths of your pain.

There are two ways to read your question at the end. Literally you ask how you might numb the heartache. But I’m guessing you aren’t being literal. In fact, it’s not a question at all, is it? It reads more like an indignation. Like, how dare anyone ask you to numb the heartache! How dare the medical community suggest drugging your bereavement!

See, J.R., you know how precious your sadness is. A breathless, crushing burden, yes. But precious.

J.R., I’ll never have a love of 50 years. You’re the richest woman alive. Your pain is a privilege. Your honor.

Endure, good woman.

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

Word play:   “for the sake of ” is the opposite of “forsaken”   – 

*

The Wordbook dictionary states that “forsake” is derived from an Old English word “forsacan.”    “for” means “completely” and “sacan” means “deny.

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

Yes, Stephen Hawking & atheists correctly say that we have only one chance  — our mortal lives — to make a difference for the better for all living things.   Correctly make the best of it.   

*

And that if we happen to be martyrs/exemplars [e.g. Holocaust victims] for the good side of humanity by being disincentives to human barbarism/savagery, at least we take comfort in manifesting the olive branch to avert recurrence of the evil/indifference/selfishness inherent in us all  [olive branch symbolically being Blessed creation of God’s State of Israel].  

*

Life also is a challenge regardless of our evil human condition  –  nature’s calamities beset us all on this earth  — so that Hawking & atheists correctly say to minimize the risks of injury/death via our inherent good cognition and to tough it out as best as we can.    Such risks are facts of life, so to speak.   

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

Luke 6:38    –  “give & it will be given to you  …”  –
*
*
*
On a secular level  —  ”of this world,”    –
*
“give”   –  have faith in yourself  —  that you owe  yourself  self-respect   –  is not outcome dependent, ergo it is not “cutting a deal,” nor a contract/ bargain/advantage/reward/restoration/trade-off/even-equal exchange
*
— “given to you” means that you yourself recognize your unacknowledged act of kindness,  no matter your pain in our sentient earthly sphere.          
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
“Hope against hope” is metaphysical   —   needless suffering is of this world    —-
*

*

*

Word play:   “Hope against hope” is a paradox which has Biblical roots  –

*

*

http://bible.cc/romans/4-18.htm

*

*

Who against hope believed in hope,…. Abraham believed the promise of God,

*

that he might become the father of many nations, being assisted by a

*

supernatural aid:  “in hope”;  of the fulfilment of it by the grace and power of

*

God:    “against hope”: against all visible, rational grounds of hope.

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

1 Corinthians 1:26-27  —   Remember, dear   brothers and sisters, that few of you were wise in the world’s eyes or   powerful or wealthy when God called you.  

*

Instead, God chose things   the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are   wise.  

*

And He chose things that are powerless to shame those who   are powerful, so the same God chose those who reside in the forsaken social   margins.

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

1 Corinthians 2:6

–Be not of this world–   [be of the spiritual   dimension, with comfort & solace & companionship with thy   Lord]

*

http://bible.cc/1_corinthians/2-6.htm

*

http://taberstruths.com/not-of-world-bible-verse-live-by/

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*
*
*
*
*
*
*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

Needless suffering is of this world, stuck in this indifferent and tragic life

*

*

Indeed, true love endures. It’s just that people need to close the gestalt of being in love with the person who no longer loves you and get through their hurt, bitterness, disappointment and anger before what endures can be apprehended as the honored friend it is (self-respect) and not the cruel enemy it appears to be right after we’ve been dumped by the love of our life.

*

True love endures.   That’s a good thing.

*

But true love is different from   needless suffering   for the rest of your life.

*

At the end of the day, we have to grow a self-respect sufficient not to want someone who doesn’t want us.

*

*

http://www.lvrj.com/view/love-can-endure-if-people-work-through-lost-relationships-144330465.html

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

http://www.lvrj.com/living/25749444.html

*

*

How do you forgive someone who won’t commit to us? Someone who decides to move on in the journey of life and does not return? You’re going to hate this, but, here’s how:

By realizing there is nothing to forgive. There is only your heart to heal. That, and your ego, rent asunder by the answer “no.” But this “no” is not a moral wrong. You can be (and are) anguished, but you have no moral claim. The only work before you is grief. Which is hard work. Which is why we put it off by thinking about whether we can ever forgive.

It would be so much easier to deal with the “no” if we could mobilize righteous anger. And people do commonly mobilize anger when they love someone who doesn’t choose them, but it’s not righteous anger. It’s more like an ego tantrum. Predictable. Understandable. Very human. But hardly righteous.

There is nothing to forgive,  any more than the Beatles need to forgive the record companies that said no — and no and no and no. Why did they say “no”? Because they didn’t say “yes.” Because they decided not to commit to the Beatles. Because they didn’t take the risk. Because they signed other bands instead.

I’m saying it does not, in the end, matter why they said “no.” The only thing that matters is that they said “no.”

And the Four Lads from Liverpool grieved. They felt the pain of “no.” They were tempted to despair. But what they did instead was remarkable. They somehow held on to their commitment to themselves. They would not relinquish their grasp on their beauty, their talent, their worthiness of a recording contract.

Like a mantra, John Lennon would say, “Where we going mates?” And the other three would say: “To the top! To the very top!”

And in 1962, Parlophone Records signed them. Why? Because they did. And the rest is history.

See, “no” doesn’t make us not beautiful. And “yes” doesn’t make us beautiful.

It’s for you to decide, S., whether to take the risk that you are beautiful. Then the rest of the world can decide for itself whether it wants to recognize and value the self you have decided to admire and respect.

The Beatles don’t need to forgive those other record companies. Though it would have been delicious fun, certainly, to see the expressions on the faces of those same executives when, on Feb. 9, 1964, they watched Ed Sullivan say, “Ladies and gentlemen, the Beatles!”

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

http://www.lvrj.com/living/30860474.html

*

But more and more these days I resist the temptation to try to make the great mysteries of the human condition less mysterious.

*

“I think you are going to die not understanding why you and (name) didn’t make it.”

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s