In praise of Pastor Helena Corcoran: Love, desire and thriving connection aren’t mystical gifts given and withheld by a genie in a bottle. These gifts are cultivated, every day, by life partners whose wish is for the gifts to thrive. We can’t be surprised that our marital crops wither absent nurture, water and attention. — Steven Kalas

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http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=appreciate+your+life+partner&qpvt=appreciate+your+life+partner&FORM=IGRE#view=detail&id=465503834F28DC98AA78DF1D9360B4E744A1F5F1&selectedIndex=3

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http://www.reviewjournal.com/columns-blogs/steven-kalas/familiarity-breeds-not-contempt-forgetfulness

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The woman is a wife of 14 years. She feels guilty, even as she tells me she has yet to do anything wrong. She feels guilty because she is drawn to the attention and desire of a man who is not her husband.

The man notices her. Doesn’t merely greet her each day at work, but beholds her. As if he has been waiting for her to arrive. As if anticipating the moment they will connect … and then begin the workday. But not a moment before.

The woman feels guilty because she desires the man’s desire. Feeds off of it. She finds the courage to notice that she hungers for the forbidden. Yet the hunger makes her feel badly about herself.

She talks about her marriage. She says her husband is a good man. A good father. Then comes the part of the story as predictable and ordinary as dirt: She feels increasingly invisible to her life partner.

I think of the story of “The Fox and The Lion.”

On my bookshelf is an aged copy of “Aesop’s Fables” I’ve had since childhood. The pages have turned brown, and the binding creaks and complains when bidden to open. The book once belonged to my mother, and before that, to her mother.

The pithy wisdom in these folk tales was collected some 600 years before the birth of Jesus. When I read these tales, I feel a deep connection to all that is universally human. For all that is new and different in civilization these past 2,000-plus years, human beings are still the same.

When first the Fox saw the Lion he was terribly frightened, and ran away and hid himself in the wood. Next time however he came near the King of Beasts he stopped at a safe distance and watched him pass by. The third time they came near one another the Fox went straight up to the Lion and passed the time of day with him, asking him how his family were, and when he should have the pleasure of seeing him again; then turning his tail, he parted from the Lion without much ceremony.

Familiarity breeds contempt.

Echoes of this all-too-human experience can be found in Western religion. The Hebrew Bible says, “Let your foot rarely be in your neighbor’s house, or he will become weary of you and hate you (Proverbs 25:17).” The Christian Gospel says, “A prophet is never welcome in his own country (Luke 4:24).”

Can desiring to be desired be of itself a bad thing? Of course not! Healthy selfhood includes a deep longing for connection, recognition and significance. We want to be beheld. We want to have weight and consequence in the life of our beloved. We want to be missed, sought and longed for. We want to be recognized. We want to know that some orbiting, recurring hunger lives in our mate’s heart for us. Emotional hunger. Sexual hunger. Hunger for time and proximity. Touch.

We’re made for connection. How, then, could desiring to be connected be wrong?

Familiarity is not contemptuous. It’s sublime. It’s beautiful. Trust me — I work with grieving widows and widowers. These brave people weep over the mundane memories of their bespoken rattling dishes in the kitchen. Of the sound a garage door makes as it opens. Of the thud of footsteps upstairs. Of the sound of breathing and the feel of warmth in a shared bed. They treasure, now, even the remembered annoyance of idiosyncrasies and maddening habits.

The moral of “The Fox and The Lion” is not that familiarity is contemptuous, but that familiarity comes with the sore temptation to contempt. Specifically, that familiarity is seductive. It can lull us to forget. To stop paying attention.

The woman’s desire to be desired only means she is a normal, healthy human being. I ask her if she’d be willing to exchange her guilt for thanksgiving. She could be grateful that she has the courage to see what is happening. She could be grateful that she has recognized what is happening before she has burned down a good marriage in a foolish affair. She could see this ordinary, normal and predictable connection to her colleague as a call to action.

Action? Yes! She could take her healthy, human self home and say to her husband, “You’ve stopped paying attention. And I need attention.”

Love, desire and thriving connection aren’t mystical gifts given and withheld by a genie in a bottle. These gifts are cultivated, every day, by life partners whose wish is for the gifts to thrive.

We can’t be surprised that our marital crops wither absent nurture, water and attention.

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Pastor Helena Corcoran is a real life Christian medium (Jesus chiefly  is regarded as an “Eh-dapt” spelled Adapt who manifested miracles in His surroundings) who also emphasizes the work of building a marrige, instead of taking for granted our marital vows.   Pastor Helena’s address is Mercy Ministries International, P.O. Box 226 Aiea, Hawai’i 96701.

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spiritualism#Compared_with_other_religions

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The theology behind the mystical medium —   “And though worms destroy this body, yet in my flesh shall I see God” – Job 19:26 —  there will be a bodily resurrection of the dead, and an afterlife.     In the Old Testament   —  trance mediumship is “prophecy,” a “vision,” or a “dream”  — Numbers 12:6 in which God says, “Hear my words: If there be among you a prophet of the Lord, I will appear to him in a vision, or I will speak to him in a dream.” 

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Hope (as in salvation/inner joy-peace) beyond suffering is what moves us to suffer for the good of others.

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The spirit of fear (self-conscripted insecurity/ego defensiveness)(smallness ergo self-inflated importance to mask our insecurity) is selfishness, whereas the fear (respect) of God & the Wrath of God have selfless-altruist outcomes.

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Which is why deepest thinker/soulful pilgrim Pastor Helena Corcoran intones that Christianity/Christian mysticism are incompatible with the New Age outcomes of narcissism/me-me-me mentality. 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_mysticism#Biblical_influences

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_mysticism#Modern_era

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Age#Late_20th_century

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Do you know that theologian Martin Luther’s tabletalk (intimate heartfelt dialogues with others) helped inspire Luther’s deep comprehension of Scripture?    http://www.ccel.org/ccel/luther/tabletalk.html

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And that mystical sage Pastor Helena Corcoran’s tabletalk with diverse others from atheists to believers  — inspire our deepest connection with Scripture??

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Platonism (the mystical) was considered authoritative in the Middle Ages, and many Platonic notions are now permanent elements of Christianity.  Platonism also influenced both Eastern and Western mysticism.    

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While Aristotle became more influential than Plato in the 13th century via Aquinas, St. Thomas Aquinas‘ philosophy was still in certain respects fundamentally Platonic (mystical).   

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Platonism#Christianity_and_Platonism

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Aquinas placed more emphasis on reason and argumentation, and was one of the first to use the new translation of Aristotle’s metaphysical and epistemological writing.

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This was a significant departure from the Neoplatonic and Augustinian thinking (the mystical)  that had dominated much of early scholasticism (early church fathers).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scholasticism#High_Scholasticism

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2013/09/15/augustinian-mystic-martin-luther-aquinas-cognition-john-calvin-and-yet-bertrand-russell-apostle-john-are-augustinian-plato-logos-analytical-acolytes-huli-au-upside-down/

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2013/07/18/augustine-acolyte-original-sin-john-wycliffe-1320-1384-was-the-impetus-to-luthers-protestant-reformation-a-century-later-for-this-reason-wycliffe-is-called-the-morning-star-of-the-reformatio/

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10 Responses to In praise of Pastor Helena Corcoran: Love, desire and thriving connection aren’t mystical gifts given and withheld by a genie in a bottle. These gifts are cultivated, every day, by life partners whose wish is for the gifts to thrive. We can’t be surprised that our marital crops wither absent nurture, water and attention. — Steven Kalas

  1. Pingback: Yep. It’s true. I’m an alien. I don’t know much about love — loving or being loved. It’s a mystery that, if we have the courage, commitment and patience, will reach across the abyss of wounds between the alienated genders to heal, to make whole,

  2. Pingback: Limerence: Falling in love is a powerful, spontaneous projection of self. The experience is cosmic and powerfully bonding. — Steven Kalas | Curtis Narimatsu

  3. Kolina says:

    Wow…thanks for sharing in a variety of aspects and sites to check out…Here’s a helpful tool that a friend shared among our group that has inspired me thrive and not strive with people.

    LOVE is self determined, unhindered, willingly to give of ones self for the benefit of others…
    HONOR each others FREE WILL, by controlling and managing ourselves…
    Learn to be motivated by LOVE…LOVE is a more powerful force than F.E.A.R. (False. Evidence. Appearing. Real)!!!
    Be aware of your emotions and where you are at…speak what you want to experience, speak LIFE and plant GOOD seeds even in bad situations. Reject negative seeds and plant GOOD seeds.
    Get rid of the mountain in your MIND, everything we see is the past. What we see in the future is in our MIND…say and BELIEVE and RECEIVE it from the higher spiritual realm into this physical realm. NOTHING is impossible with GOD…
    Shalom 🙂

  4. Pingback: 1 Peter 4:8 — Love covers a multitude of sins — Center of Grace — or in the secular sense, forgive yourself for what is not in your power to do | Curtis Narimatsu

  5. Pingback: luck of the draw (bad or good) — forgive yourself for what is not in your power to do — Steven Kalas | Curtis Narimatsu

  6. Pingback: Nobody comes to therapy who hasn’t lost something. The heart is injured. Limping. Constrained by psychic adhesions. Aching, either obviously or just behind the curtain of consciousness. The therapeutic relationship is the MRI. It reveals what’s torn.

  7. Pingback: Nobody comes to therapy who hasn’t lost something. The heart is injured. Limping. Constrained by psychic adhesions. Aching, either obviously or just behind the curtain of consciousness. The therapeutic relationship is the MRI. It reveals what’s torn.

  8. Pingback: Nobody comes to therapy who hasn’t lost something. The heart is injured. Limping. Constrained by psychic adhesions. Aching, either obviously or just behind the curtain of consciousness. The therapeutic relationship is the MRI. It reveals what’s torn.

  9. Pingback: To love and to be loved are mystical desires a la Carl Jung’s archetypes (Jung’s forebearers were mystics Plato, Apostle Paul, & Augustine) | Curtis Narimatsu

  10. Pingback: The young man with terminal cancer was going to die quicker than he thought, and he was very depressed about this. And of course he hadn’t gotten to make his mark, and he had this conversation with this young woman. And the young woman said, “No,

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