Limerence: Falling in love is a powerful, spontaneous projection of self. The experience is cosmic and powerfully bonding. — Steven Kalas

 

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http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=images+limerence&qpvt=images+limerence&FORM=IGRE#view=detail&id=98F40041F4426A4AA6BA817AEC9B7FF706910616&selectedIndex=11

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http://www.reviewjournal.com/steven-kalas/love-can-mean-different-things-marriage

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We don’t get to decide when we fall in love, or with whom. Falling in love is not a decision. Falling in love is a happening. Falling in love is perhaps one of the most cherished, longed for, and defining of human experiences. When it happens, you will never be the same.

Falling in love is not the same as strong sexual chemistry. Nor is falling in love mere flirting or “having a crush.” Clinically defined, falling in love is a powerful, spontaneous projection of self. The experience is cosmic and powerfully bonding. At once exhilarating and uncomfortable. And, from the moment you fall in love, there is only one possible outcome: Your heart will be broken, either because your love will be unrequited, or because the relationship will erode and fail, or at the very least because you committed the folly of falling in love with a mortal.

And mortals die.

An astonishing number of people never fall in love with the person they choose as a life partner. Conversely, an equally surprising number of people don’t ultimately marry the person with whom they are in love. Just because someone is in love with you in no way guarantees they will ultimately choose you. Choosing someone — truly giving your whole heart in radical commitment — is a matter entirely separate from the experience of being in love.

In psychology, the word we use for the experience of being in love is “limerence.” Limerence is the state of “in-love-ed-ness.” And, as a priority expectation of great marriage, limerence is historically unprecedented. It is less than 100 years old.

Get yourself a time machine and travel back to any time prior to 1920 or so. Ask those folks what a good marriage is. What are its attributes and necessary qualities? Very few people would put profound love feelings anywhere toward the top of the list, if on the list at all. If a woman of these times married a man who worked hard, protected his family, was a good father, didn’t drink too much, didn’t hit her or the kids, didn’t have sex with her too roughly, treated her with respect, courtesy and kindness … well, it seems to me this woman would lean back and kiss the sky. She’d believe herself to have “died and gone to heaven.” And if you said to her, “But, are you in love with him?” she would have shaken her head incredulously and said, “Whhaat?”

I’m not saying that our ancestors did not fall in love. I’m saying the experience of being in love was virtually no part of the equation when considering a life partner. In “Fiddler On the Roof,” when Golde sings “Do you love me,” to Tevye, the husband responds by listing the many faithful, hardworking things he does as a husband. She continues to ask, and he continues to list acts of duty and faithfulness. Not until the end does Tevye allow hesitantly, “I suppose I do.” Clearly, whatever love means to Tevye, it does not refer to a profound feeling.

But, today, it would be unusual to meet a modern American who didn’t put limerence at or near the top of the list of requirements for considering marriage: I want to be in love … I have a right to be in love … I have the right to expect marriage to foster and grow profound love feelings. So certain are modern people that limerence is an appropriate claim on marriage, these same people become quickly convinced that divorce is justified when limerence becomes absent.

While it is the nature of limerence to swirl, orbit, ebb and flow throughout a marital lifetime, it is not true that marriage must of necessity be antithetical to limerence. A growing marriage can and should invite ever-new and deeper chapters of limerence, moments of profound emotional connection that make the early days of courtship seem almost silly by comparison. The defining quality of marriage is not “not getting a divorce.” The defining quality of marriage is growing love.

Falling in love is easy. What people want to know is how to stay in love. Well, simply put, here’s how:

Stop waiting around for a feeling! Instead, awaken every day ready to do the things necessary to invite and protect warm, cherished, and sometimes profound feelings. Practice relentless courtship. Be intentional about great sex. Learn the art of romance. Never stop paying attention.

Such disciplines are a sanctuary for limerence. The shared work of faithful life partners invites love again … and again and again, as planting flowers and blossoming trees guarantees the return of insatiable bees.

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2014/03/18/yep-its-true-im-an-alien-i-dont-know-much-about-love-loving-or-being-loved-its-a-mystery-that-if-we-have-the-courage-commitment-and-patience-will-r/

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http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=images+mysterious+and+mystical+love&qpvt=images+mysterious+and+mystical+love&FORM=IGRE#view=detail&id=7B18C82AF7C2E219A9AF84294DEB3D2764FB0BF2&selectedIndex=516

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In deepest reverential repose/silence, reflect upon the mystery and miracle of love  — just flow in the moment, baby!        🙂

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http://www.reviewjournal.com/columns-blogs/steven-kalas/love-happens-flash-keeping-it-gets-tricky

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Falling in love is a gift. If you’d like to keep the gift, you have a lifetime of work and rigor ahead of you. In-love-ed-ness is a beautiful yet fragile garden that requires tending, attention and nurture.

Thirty-four years later, I’m watching “What Planet Are You From” (2000), starring Gary Shandling and Annette Bening. Shandling is an alien from a planet whose denizens are advanced intellectually, but feel no emotion. He is sent to Earth to clone a baby with an earthly female, to the end that his planet can take over the world.

But, being close to the woman changes him. He cries in one scene, reaching up to touch the tears, saying, “Oh look, now I’m bleeding.” He is stunned to find he is in love. Love has changed him. And love is what makes him decide to leave.

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“I’m an alien,” he confesses. “I only came here to take over the world. I could never be someone you deserve. I don’t know anything about love.” And he walks out the front door.

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Seconds later, the door opens. The woman comes out and says the damnedest thing: “Hey. I don’t know anything about love, either. Maybe we could learn together.”

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2014/02/22/im-here-to-love-and-be-loved/

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Sometimes the worst pain comes from feeling abandoned (estrangement) and unloved (alienation).  That happened to me when my marriage of more than three decades ended. When my wife walked out on me, she took my sense of self-worth with her.

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Without her to validate me as a human being,

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I began to think I wasn’t worth anything at all.

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It is very hard to let go of your past.  For years I held on to my old life, refusing to let go. I just couldn’t see any other life worth living. Letting go of your past is a long, hard process, and for me that process isn’t over yet. In some ways, it’s just beginning.

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But here is why it’s important that we put in that time and effort — because if we live in the past, we will never discover our destiny.      Destiny, promise, potential, purpose — all of these are things that have to do with the future, not the past.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/antoinette-tuff/three-steps-to-turning-pain-purpose_b_4979660.html?utm_hp_ref=gps-for-the-soul&ir=GPS%20for%20the%20Soul

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Yes, one who lives authentically and in the moment suffers persecution, taking a line from exemplar Christ.         http://biblehub.com/2_timothy/3-12.htm

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bruce-davis-phd/saint-francis-and-pope-francis_b_4967289.html?utm_hp_ref=religion

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/17/life-advice_n_4979765.html?utm_hp_ref=gps-for-the-soul&ir=GPS+for+the+Soul

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After all, metaphorically, we are poured out (blood on the cross) and broken (the body of redemption).               http://www.jesus.org/following-jesus/communion/the-body-and-the-blood-of-christ.html

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Greatest New Testament prayer   –    http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+17&version=NIV  –       and the rhema (partaking of Christ in each of us by the holy spirit )  — http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ephesians+3%3A14-16&version=NIV

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“For me, there’s hardly a gnat’s whisker of difference between the psychological idea of healthy individuation and the Christian idea of salvation. Both include the lifetime journey of authentic living.”

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Title quote from Steven Kalas    http://www.lvrj.com/living/living-authentically-a-challenge-worth-embracing-89350462.html

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2012/12/12/the-choice-is-not-whether-to-have-or-not-have-a-worldview-in-which-you-place-faith-the-only-choice-is-whether-we-are-willing-to-choose-with-intention-clarity-commitment-sage-steven-kala/

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2012/12/22/we-dont-need-to-belong-to-any-religion-to-hear-the-universal-invitation-what-would-happen-if-we-decided-to-live-more-expectantly-what-would-happen-if-we-suspended-our-deep-beliefs-about-the-way-th/

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2013/02/22/by-putting-aside-our-selfish-interests-to-serve-someone-or-something-larger-than-ourselves-by-devoting-our-lives-to-giving-rather-than-taking/

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2014/03/13/salve-to-our-crisis-of-meaning-repugnant-narcissism-bildungsroman-a-literary-genre-that-focuses-on-the-psychological-and-moral-growth-of-the-protagonist-from-youth-to-adulthood-coming-of-a/

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I stand incredulous before the sheer number of people reporting/experiencing symptoms of depression. I say again, I don’t believe our ancestors experienced the same proportion of depressive symptoms.  Possible explanations for this phenomenon:  Crisis of meaning, for example. An increasingly vacuous culture, with significant evidence of devolution. Or, perhaps depression/depressive episodes is in part provoked by the emotional self-absorption of moderns – the observable, inexplicable delay of real emotional conversance and maturity in modern people. — Steven Kalas

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2014/03/11/love-desire-and-thriving-connection-arent-mystical-gifts-given-and-withheld-by-a-genie-in-a-bottle-these-gifts-are-cultivated-every-day-by-life-partners-whose-wish-is-for-the-gifts-to-thr/

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Hope (as in salvation/inner joy-peace) beyond suffering is what moves us to suffer for the good of others.

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The spirit of fear (self-conscripted insecurity/ego defensiveness)(smallness ergo self-inflated importance to mask our insecurity) is selfishness, whereas as examples the fear (respect) of God & the Wrath of God have selfless-altruist outcomes.

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Which is why deepest thinker/soulful pilgrim Steven Kalas intones that authentic Christianity/Christian mysticism are incompatible with today’s “hip”  New Age outcomes of narcissism/me-me-me mentality.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_mysticism#Biblical_influences

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_mysticism#Modern_era

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Age#Late_20th_century

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Do you know that theologian Martin Luther’s tabletalk (intimate heartfelt dialogues with others) helped inspire Luther’s deep comprehension of Scripture (selfless sacrifice for the good of others)?    http://www.ccel.org/ccel/luther/tabletalk.html

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And that mysterious and mystical  exemplar Christ’s tabletalk with diverse/divergent ones from atheists to believers  — inspire our deepest connection with compassion for others??

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Platonism (the mystical) was considered authoritative in the Middle Ages, and many Platonic notions are now permanent elements of Christianity.  Platonism also influenced both Eastern and Western mysticism.   

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While Aristotle became more influential than Plato in the 13th century via Aquinas, St. Thomas Aquinas‘ philosophy was still in certain respects fundamentally Platonic (mystical).   

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Platonism#Christianity_and_Platonism

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Aquinas placed more emphasis on reason and argumentation, and was one of the first to use the new translation of Aristotle’s metaphysical and epistemological writing.

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This was a significant departure from the Neoplatonic and Augustinian thinking (the mystical)  that had dominated much of early scholasticism (early church fathers).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scholasticism#High_Scholasticism

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2013/09/15/augustinian-mystic-martin-luther-aquinas-cognition-john-calvin-and-yet-bertrand-russell-apostle-john-are-augustinian-plato-logos-analytical-acolytes-huli-au-upside-down/

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2013/07/18/augustine-acolyte-original-sin-john-wycliffe-1320-1384-was-the-impetus-to-luthers-protestant-reformation-a-century-later-for-this-reason-wycliffe-is-called-the-morning-star-of-the-reformatio/

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2014/02/26/in-praise-of-pastors-calisto-violet-mateo-of-our-god-reigns-ministry-at-1289-kilauea-ave-hilo-suite-h-phone-808-961-6540/

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https://curtisnarimatsu.wordpress.com/2014/03/15/ouvre-nearly-half-a-century-of-deepest-passion-i-can-see-it-in-your-eyes-that-you-despise-the-same-old-lines-you-heard-the-night-before-and-though-its-just-a-line-to-you-for-me-its-true-a/

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http://www.patheos.com/blogs/carlgregg/2014/03/the-life-tradition-versus-the-death-tradition-in-christianity/

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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/14/kurt-vonnegut-xavier-letter_n_4964532.html?utm_hp_ref=books

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Acclaimed author Kurt Vonnegut Once Sent This Amazing Letter To A High School  –

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Dear Xavier High School, and Ms. Lockwood, and Messrs Perin, McFeely, Batten, Maurer and Congiusta:

I thank you for your friendly letters. You sure know how to cheer up a really old geezer (84) in his sunset years. I don’t make public appearances any more because I now resemble nothing so much as an iguana.

What I had to say to you, moreover, would not take long, to wit: Practice any art, music, singing, dancing, acting, drawing, painting, sculpting, poetry, fiction, essays, reportage, no matter how well or badly, not to get money and fame, but to experience becoming, to find out what’s inside you, to make your soul grow.

Seriously! I mean starting right now, do art and do it for the rest of your lives. Draw a funny or nice picture of Ms. Lockwood, and give it to her. Dance home after school, and sing in the shower and on and on. Make a face in your mashed potatoes. Pretend you’re Count Dracula.

Here’s an assignment for tonight, and I hope Ms. Lockwood will flunk you if you don’t do it: Write a six line poem, about anything, but rhymed. No fair tennis without a net. Make it as good as you possibly can. But don’t tell anybody what you’re doing. Don’t show it or recite it to anybody, not even your girlfriend or parents or whatever, or Ms. Lockwood. OK?

Tear it up into teeny-weeny pieces, and discard them into widely separated trash recepticals [sic]. You will find that you have already been gloriously rewarded for your poem. You have experienced becoming, learned a lot more about what’s inside you, and you have made your soul grow.

God bless you all!

Kurt Vonnegut

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Puffed up Cliff Livermore, humble Christian mystic George Gomes

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Cliff said  –

“Please share my healing prayer requests as Liz Bishaw, Violet & Calisto Mateo, & Curt have all witnessed Christ’s healing power (including Cliff’s healing 50 yr. old Chinese woman Hae-bee’s broken arm witnessed by Curt) and deeply love Christ.  Also,  they have a deep burden for true revival in these islands — manifestations of our Lord’s healing Grace and power here on the Big Island.  As you know, Louisa stands in faith in Lord God.”    (End of statement)

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Book of Esther (4:14)  —    Mordecai reminds Esther:   If you’re not willing or able to be used for good by God, God will pick someone else who shall do God’s work.

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Help includes standing in the gap (Ezekiel 22:30), so to speak, however absurd & tragic it appears (reckless risk of raising false hope/expectation).    Cliff stands in the gap.

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 There’s a big difference between carrying a cross (Luke 9:23) and being crucified on one  — namely,  nails.

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Being crucified with Christ means to nail thru one’s soul to the point of death (of sinful self).

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Spirituality is meant to explore all the unattractive inner realities as well as to recommend glittering ideals.    

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The unattractive inner realities apply to us all, including glittering Cliff.

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Spirituality is not  meant to provide uplift to confirm people’s prior ideological assumptions.*Spirituality says “Think! Feel!”  —  not  “You’re right.”

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Thank you, Pastor Robert Gomes, for exposing our unlovely reality — and offering a right option  — lest we disregard the foretell of the Inferno (end days).

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The point is we are to move beyond feeding milk to the lambs  —  to feeding the sheep solid food.
Heb. 5:12-14 & 6:1-3  Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. Solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.
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Therefore let us leave the elementary teachings about Christ and go on to maturity, 
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…  the foundation of repentance from acts that lead to death, and of faith in God, instruction about baptisms, the laying on of hands, the resurrection of the dead, and eternal judgment.
What then is solid food?  It is training in righteousness so that the sheep can be fully equipped, able to stand in the day of testing.
2 Tim. 3:16-17  All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.
Pop psychology and worldly methodology do not feed sheep.  They must be fed on the written Word of God (responsibilities) as it is exegeted properly and applied by the Holy Spirit.  
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 Extinguishing distinction  — the self — applies to us all, including distinctive Cliff.

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Like Apostle Paul (completing –the Word of God — ministry), Pastor Robert Gomes does not play church, so to speak  — but instead avoids “natural thinking” presumptions (fleshly overpride/vanity/envy/jealousy) by stepping out (as Jesus did) in the world and taking risks of harm (by saving lost souls and those possessed of the spirit of unbelief) as the tests which need to be met in our authentic walk in Christ.

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Pastor Robert Gomes knows the truth about men and flesh  — born lost — and thus Pastor Robert is deemed alarming and dangerous to religious Christians (milk of the Word as opposed to righteousness of the Word) who cherry pick verses even to longtime “walking/waking dead” disciples  —  to sugar coat sin (forgiveness means that I can sin and sin again and again) and repentance (just say I’m sorry  — no need to extinguish our old self/natural ways) and Satan himself (die and go to heaven   — death, physical/spiritual —  itself is not the eternal fate for lost souls).

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In praise of incredibly intuitive mystical Pastor Robert…

* In praise of incredibly intuitive mystical pastor Robert Gomes    – * Immense Christian mystic  Pastor Robert Gomes look-alike    – * * Pastor Robert Gomes’ wife …
Preview by Yahoo
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being human   — honest frailty is inherent in our DNA

Cliff emboldens on being everyone’s Exhibit A of redemption.    Cliff does not want to be everyone’s pagan fairy tale  — where miracles manifest, then belief in the superhuman takes hold.   Drama’s correct endpoint is love forevermore springwelled by faith (Jesus’ blood of our new creation/Jesus’ living water of God’s holy spirit e.g. 1 Cor. 15:10).   Faith, then signs.   Not the other way around — not signs, then faith (idolatry).

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Universal appealing narrative is about us  — it illuminates our own lives.  Narrative also discloses truths that shape or misshape our psyche.

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As such, Cliff Livermore’s narrative details the unconscious desire and dilemma to be liberated in self, as

Cliff falls into the bondage of self

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The bondage of self has no redemption.  

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Liberation in self gets out of the self and into Jesus. 

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Therein redemption abounds.

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When the human ego conscripts the language, the work and the mantle of self-respect, you start to feel really good and right about discarding people from your life.

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And then you can know that you were right, because you don’t have any friends at all.

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Self-respect and self-importance — not the same at all. But they can feel the same.

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Why can’t I be like you or in sync with you?

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Because then there would be no need for a me, just you. 

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Cliff Livermore  reeks of excessive self-absorption and blowhard excretion.   Biblical Simon here fits Cliff’s description.

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http://www.lawofliberty.com/sermons/Resources/01-fromsimontopeter.pdf

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Cliff’s book editor lovingly chuckles     –

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Exactly!!    I also have compared Cliff to Simon Peter.    We have to reel in Cliff, but Cliff is very good to repent and start over.

I am glad you are Cliff’s good friend!

Also that you question assumptions and ask us to see things through another lens.

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Cliff’s response is predictable    –
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1.  I don’t give a rat’s ass (to whom you liken me in Scripture — ergo Simon Peter)!!
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2.  I don’t have an identity problem!!!!    (I belong to Jesus!!)

Cliff’s mind-blowing couplet (pair of sentences)  a la the great Alexander Pope really is the story of Cliff’s life.
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10 Responses to Limerence: Falling in love is a powerful, spontaneous projection of self. The experience is cosmic and powerfully bonding. — Steven Kalas

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