“Hi everyone! The one we worship was crucified by the Romans. Come follow us.” This opening line did not fit among Greco-Roman religions. Claiming that a divine figure was helplessly beaten, tortured, and gruesomely–shamefully executed, would have been proof positive that such a religion was a joke worthy only of late night monologs. The ridiculousness of the crucifixion of the Son of God is easily lost on modern Christians. We miss an important reversal that so typifies the gospel. Because the world did not know God through wisdom, God decided, through the foolishness of our proclamation of being wise, to save those who believe. (1 Corinthians 1:18-21) — Peter Enns

The Pharisee and the Publican, baroque fresco in Ottobeuren Basilica.

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Jesus’s crucifixion: not exactly a selling point in the ancient world

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But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.

 

http://biblehub.com/1_corinthians/1-27.htm

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http://www.reviewjournal.com/columns-blogs/steven-kalas/it-s-hard-work-have-good-marriage

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The work of personal growth is rigorous and regularly uncomfortable. But it is also deeply satisfying. The willingness to do this work both comes from self-respect and grows self-respect: “Now doesn’t that feel good! I’m learning to be a better wife/husband!”

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AROUSAL STATES

At least that’s the textbook name for it. I prefer calling it, simply, “the bad habit of reactivity.” See, there’s this organ in the brain called the amygdala. It’s the “flight or fight” part of the brain. Very, very useful if your house is on fire. If there is a tiger in your house. Man with a gun.

But not so useful — or even necessary — if your darling forgets the dry cleaning.

The amygdala is no friend of marriage. I’m saying I see a lot of couples with bad brain habits. And we can teach and retrain our brains to get back in charge of reactivity. A reactive brain notices the experience of fear, insecurity, injustice or slight, fills in the blanks with righteous-feeling (but rarely fair or accurate) conclusions, then wades in to kick arse and take names.

Sack the village. Shock and awe. Slash and burn. Later, we’ll talk.

Not a useful or effective strategy for growing old together.

With a little effort, we can remind the brain to do at least two things before we go thermonuclear:

1) Ask your mate questions.

2) Put the feeling experience you are having into words. That is, describe it before reacting.

Think of it as giving both your mate and yourself the benefit of a doubt.

TYPE/TEMPERAMENT

News flash: Your mate is not you. You are not your mate. When you listen to as many marital arguments as I have, you notice that, between the lines, about 80 percent of those conflicts come down to this indignant admonition: “Why aren’t you … more like me!”

Answer: “Because then one of us would be unnecessary.”

In many cases, the type/temperament differences you are bemoaning are exactly the same differences that once turned your head and hurled you deeply in love. The same differences that made you think your mate was hot, hot, hot. The reason you couldn’t keep your hands off your mate is because your mate was not you.

So I teach the language of type/temperament. It’s fun to learn about your personality. And then to learn about your mate’s. With this education we move from pathologizing to understanding.

FAMILY OF ORIGIN

Sooner or later your love and growing intimacy will provoke and disturb the unfinished business of your childhood history. This is, frankly, an ordinary consequence of good marriages. Put glibly, the journey of marriage will require us to distinguish our mate from our mother and father.

ATTENTION/INTENTION

Couples counseling often includes a wake-up call to the discipline of attention/intention. Couples learn — again — there’s no excuse for “waiting for a feeling,” that it’s absurd to think great love will in every moment “flow naturally and spontaneously.”

So we inventory and examine our marital habits. We decide to notice the habits we have allowed to erode and atrophy. Couples recommit to bringing a daily intention to the habits of courtship, kindness, gratitude, solicitation and connection.

Yes, falling in love “just happens.” But, for great love to survive, our daily intentions habituate the nurture of an environment where great love can continue to happen.

 

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We are here for a while, we busy ourselves, we accomplish things, and then we move on — and others continue the cycle. “We can’t all, and some of us don’t.”

 

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Hawai’i County Mayor Billy Kenoi’s alleged abuse of public trust reprises Andy Mirikitani’s foibles nearly 2 decades ago.    Is Kenoi’s alleged explicitly transparent abuse even worse than Mirikitani’s stealth?

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Attorney general assumes investigation into Big Island mayor

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http://www.bizjournals.com/pacific/stories/2007/02/26/daily23.html

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In the upcoming Hawai’i County mayor’s race, Harry Kim has Puna and windward Hawai’i in Harry’s hip pocket, while Pete Hoffmann has Kona and leeward Hawai’i.   Puna’s ousted Russ Ruderman (Chess Clubber dethroned in Senate juggernaut) needs to accede to leeward strength Hoffmann, just as Kona’s  Brenda Ford needs to accede to Hoffmann.   Kim and Hoffmann will face off in the general election (Chung places third), with Kim winning over fellow old foggie Hoffmann.

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10 Responses to “Hi everyone! The one we worship was crucified by the Romans. Come follow us.” This opening line did not fit among Greco-Roman religions. Claiming that a divine figure was helplessly beaten, tortured, and gruesomely–shamefully executed, would have been proof positive that such a religion was a joke worthy only of late night monologs. The ridiculousness of the crucifixion of the Son of God is easily lost on modern Christians. We miss an important reversal that so typifies the gospel. Because the world did not know God through wisdom, God decided, through the foolishness of our proclamation of being wise, to save those who believe. (1 Corinthians 1:18-21) — Peter Enns

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